Imagination

Sometimes I find that events from the past sneak into my mind and start to cause me to obsess over them again. This is disturbing and can cause changes in mood that I really do not need. I wonder if this happens to anyone else? I got some new medication finally. Now I am on Lamictal and Zoloft, both of which I have had before, but not together. I find I am so sleepy all of the time, at least my eyes are sleepy but my brain is not. Sometimes the idea of going to my bank account really scares me because I can't keep up with it anymore.

I got a new laptop. It's a Compaq Presario and so far it has been good to me except the sound is just too low. Wondering if I replaced the graphic card if it would sound louder? Anybody know?

No Medication

I don't take any medicine right now and I need some. But it is hard to find a doctor where I live. I had two already. The first one was like 83 years old or something and he didn't remember things very well. When the pharmacy called him to get my meds rx he did not even get my chart out to make sure he was prescribing what he needed to be prescribing, so he told them the wrong medicine. Plus, the first visit, he wanted me to start taking this medicine immediately and when I said I didn't think that I had enough money to get the meds, he handed me $150.00 cash so that I could go and get it. The medicine put me to sleep and I was only able to be awake 3 hours a day. It messed up my eyesight and made me walk tilted over. Can't say I was impressed. Then I went to a second doctor and he wanted to put me on medicine that the first one had just gotten me off of, and that was not even approved for use on bipolar people. So, I'm kind of not real enthused about doctors right now.

Got the curse again and I think that this somehow effects the bipolar too. Seems like everything does. Oh well. Now I am heading down to the depression end of things after having been in a manic phase for the past month. Sometimes it just is too much. Never seems like it will get to a point where I can just be me.

Another Bipolar Day

Yeah, today was another one of those days where I could have just as easily screamed my head off or started slapping everybody in sight. But luckily I managed not to do either of those things. Can't say that I didn't scream at anybody, it was close to screaming but not quite. I asked someone to do a simple little thing and they wanted to know why. Why wasn't an issue, didn't fix my problem or get anything done. It made me see red. Why should I have to explain the reason behind everything that I do? I shouldn't, right?

Arguing, fussing, crying kids helped make this another day where I just wanted to pack my shit and move on. Realistically, I can't do it. But the idea of doing it does seem to help :)

Thanks!

Thanks to you guys who dropped by and clicked on the Entrecard and then gave me an ad. I'm still not real sure about how it all works but I know that is a good thing. Maybe it's a blonde issue?

What Bipolar Is All About!!!

Bipolar disorder is characterized by extreme mood swings between mania or elevated mode and depression. The best place to get expert information on this disorder is the National Institute of Mental Health. Manic-depression distorts moods and thoughts, incites dreadful behaviors, destroys the basis of rational thought, and too often erodes the desire and will to live. It is an illness that is biological in its origins, yet one that feels psychological in the experience of it; an illness that is unique in conferring advantage and pleasure, yet one that brings in its wake almost unendurable suffering and, not infrequently, suicide.

What this is saying is that a person who has this nasty disorder does not realize that they are acting strange. A lot of times a bipolar does realize that their actions are not quite right, but can't stop acting in that particular way. A lot of times what happens is that the manic side happens so fast that the person has no control over it because they didn't know it was going to happen. They may realize that they are in a very bad mood, but until someone walks up to them and says or does something stupid, they don't plan on being snappy or grouchy, it just happens.

People who have no clue might say something really dumb like 'Why don't you get control of yourself?' Why indeed? Because they cannot. They didn't know they were going to snap at you so how could they prepare themselves to not do it? Bipolars are very moody people, yet they also can have good days where they feel good and little things do not bother them. On bad days it does not take much to set them off. The best thing for others to do is to leave them alone on their bad days. How do you know they're having a bad day? It is not hard to figure out.

Bipolar people need a stress free environment, if at all possible. Children are very stressful! Especially hyperactive children. There are many days lately where I am so short of screaming it would not take much to cause it. Lately, I must stay in my bedroom to get away from the children who will not leave me alone. I want to be left alone so that I can do things on my computer that needs to be done. I need quiet, not quiet from like tv, that is no bother, but quiet from my own mind, from having to redirect my thoughts to another line of thought, which certainly means the possibility of forgetting something, but more just means to me that nobody has any respect for my having a life of my own. I do not care if someone thinks 'she sits on the computer all day, how is that a life?' It is a life, it's mine and that is what I choose to do.

Welcome to Tiffy Talks About Being Bipolar

Welcome to my blog on being bipolar. Maybe there are a lot of blogs about this syndrome and maybe not. Dunno. But I'm set on putting out information on the Bipolar Disorder, what it is, how it makes people think and act so that people who don't have it can learn about how it affects others, and hopefully cut us some slack; and because I want other people who have this disorder to know they absolutely are not alone!!