It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 83 - Be a Turtle Buyer

Earthling, we love turtles. They are cute, and much can be learned from observing them. Some of them live for a long time.

Turtles are slow, and many humans make fun of them for that. We heard the story of the “Turtle and the Hare.” The moral of that story applies to what your human financial gurus call “personal finance.”

No need to watch Susie Orr on Earth’s CNBC television network for sound financial advice. Personal finance is simple. We are a highly intelligent species (sorry to remind you of this once again), and we have the most revolutionary way for you to become financially sound-proof during this tough economic environment.

The secret we are about to give you will revolutionize your ability to make money, save money and live a happy and rich life. This secret is so profound it will change your forever. The secret has been confirmed by successful men and women of all ages, races and cultures.

UFO Recession Tip 82 - Meditate Your Way through the Recession

Earthling, throughout the one million years we have evolved beyond humans we discovered the cheapest form of entertainment available to any species in the galaxy.

When you need to be entertained but do not have the monetary means to go to a theater, concert, restaurant, bar, dance club, or you just have not found that special person to share the joy of having sex, then entertain yourself with meditation.

UFO Recession Tip 81– Minimalize Your Wardrobe

Earthling, we are aliens, not financial experts. Our species evolved past using money many millenniums ago. We know nothing about sub-prime mortgages, credit swaps and other mumbo jumbo terms that humans use on Wall Street. But we have seen many of the stiff-necked, tie-wearing, Armani suits lose their shirts lately. 

Uncle Sam, (we do not understand why America calls the government 'Uncle Sam' but we assume it has to do with paying taxes) is bailing out Wall Street with $700 billion dollars…so far. What that really means is that the American Earthling taxpayer is paying for the mistakes of others.

Human, since Americans are forced to bail out and pay for others living large and lavish on Wall Street, Americans will not need to worry about “fashion” for the next two to three years.

“The Minimalist Wardrobe” is the new fashion trend. We still cannot figure out why humans on Wall Street wear so much clothing to work.

UFO Recession Tip 80 - Yoga for Entertainment

Earthling, there is something you can do to be thoroughly entertained for free. This is something you can do at home, work, the park or anywhere you like. You can do it alone, with others, or just to entertain others.

Looking back at our previous entertainment tips (Activities to Enjoy with Your Kids, Read Books for Free, Turn off Lights and Have Fun, Play in the Park for Free, Play a Low Cost Sport, and others), we have suggested many cheap forms of entertainment that do not require cash.

We now introduce yoga to you. Some Earthlings may say that yoga is for sissies (we do not know what 'sissy' means so we will disregard the comment), but try it just once and you will realize why many people swear by it. Actually many people swear about yoga because it is a truly difficult workout. If you try it, you will be yoga hooked.

We have never seen a body get into shape as fast as when doing yoga, except when playing futebol (soccer). It helps your human body have flexibility, strength, balance and relaxation. Can you imagine a better workout? We do not think so. And yoga is a workout you can do to your own level. It can be as challenging as you like.

There are all types of yoga:

Yoga for relaxation, weight loss, morning, and evening
Yoga for beginners, seniors, and pregnancy
Power Yoga
Wii Yoga
Hatha Yoga, named for the 'ha' sound you make
Bikram Yoga, practiced in hot rooms
Ashtanga, Iyengar and many others you can check out at yoga.about.com.

And last and not least....Drauk Yoga, named after my brother-in-law. This yoga is practiced in bedroom dwellings

UFO Recession Tip 79 - Save Money: Stop Smoking

Earthling, a simple way to survive during the tough economic times is to stop smoking if you are a smoker.

We do not follow the logic of smoking. Do not get us wrong. We are not aliens with our noses in the air acting like we do no wrong, but smoking is a nasty Earthling habit.

Other Earthlings do not smoke. If smoking is so wonderful, why do we not see lions, dogs, cats, birds, horses and skunks smoke?

We tried to smoke a cigarette to experience what humans do and, to put it bluntly, we almost puked. Meera would not kiss me for an entire week. We found out that the only thing smoking is good for is the cigarette manufacturers and cigarette investors.