Time stops for Nobody!

Have you ever noticed that the older you get, the faster time seems to fly by? Birthdays come quicker, and Lord knows it was just Summer and now I have to take out my winter clothes and prepare for the holidays once again! Time doesn’t stand still for anyone, no matter who you are, or how badly you just need a minute to breathe. Then the next thing you know, you look up and all of the sudden you look back to when you were in High School and its been just about 20 years since you’ve graduated! Where did the time go anyway?

Twenty years is a long time! It seems even longer when you have spent that amount of time harboring feelings and memories of the past. What if your life has been secretly filled with unforgiveness, and you have been living a wretched, bitter life pointing your finger in blame at another person for what they did to you and how they have hurt you? Most often we feel justified in that blame and hold others totally responsible for the reason that we are the way we are today.

For 20 years I blamed my life’s problems on my father, because he abused me, and because of the choices that I went on to make as a result of the abuse. I spent 20 years being imprisoned by unforgiveness, and bitterness that had enveloped my whole entire being. Every choice that I went on to make in my life became stained as result of classifying myself as a victim.

I have lived a complicated life full of ups and downs that were vastly out of my control as a little girl. My entire life was something of a roller coaster ride, but even when the ride would appear to slow down at times throughout my life, the ride never seemed to come to an end. Then it was like new tracks were being continually added to this coaster in my life as I faced new and unexpected twists and turns that threw me in a direction that I was never prepared for!

I found myself waiting for the ride to come to an end so that I could get off, but much to my surprise each time I passed the unloading area of the coaster, I realized I was trapped on a ride that perpetually rode on! Once again hearing the click, click, click of that old track beneath me, I knew I would soon be nearing the top of that monstrous hill all over again.

I anticipated the brief pause at the top of the coaster where for a moment the rider can see for miles around and in every direction because everything at that moment appears to be very clear! It was there that I would get a chance to see where to go from there, and know where to go once the ride was over.

For a split second in time when you reach the top of that hill, you can actually lose yourself in the moment and feel as though you are sitting on top of the world! You even find yourself fearlessly raising you’re your arms high above your head so that the gentle breeze can flow through your fingers.

Then without warning you feel a sudden jerk on the car where you are seated. Reaching out for dear life, and just in the nick of time, you grab tightly onto the bar that holds you from falling out of the car as you begin to tip forward over the top of that enormously high hill. Then passing the point of no return, you descend rapidly, plummeting down the first drop of the great coaster!

You’ve ridden this ride before and you think that you know what lies up ahead, but somehow the tracks are not the same this time around and you have no idea what lies beyond this second for you. Fear and panic set in as you scream out loud for someone to stop the ride, but nobody hears you. Instead, your ride whirls on.

It’s dark, then light, then you’re up high and all of the sudden your down low again! Your stomach is in your throat, and all you want to do is get off of the ride! Yet it won’t stop and there doesn’t appear to be any end in sight! All at once everything goes dark, and you close your eyes tight hoping and praying that it will stop.

When you feel the ride slowing down, you open your eyes to see that the cars are pulling underneath the canopy where you initially got onto the ride. You see that there is an exit opposite the side that you got on. Will you get off of the ride this time, or will you miss it again? Even though it looks simple to get on and get off of this roller coaster, you still have to know how to get the coaster to come to a complete stop. Or you will just continue to pass the exit by and wind up riding over and over again.

Is there a familiar ring to this story within your own life? Have you ever been on the ride of your life and not been able to find a way off of it? Scared and panicked, have you made choices that you never should have made, but felt helpless to stop? Nobody seems to hear you when you scream out that you want to get off, but you know deep in your heart that if you could get the ride to stop, you would definitely get off!

I’ve learned that it is up to us when that ride ends, or how long we stay on it. I would venture to say that the ride never really comes to an end on this roller coaster of life until we take the time to learn how to put on the brakes and bring it to a complete halt. How do you do that? By discovering why we are the way that we are today, and by deciding to make right choices no matter how we feel.

It took me many years through the most horrific roller coaster rides in my life to learn that it was up to me how long I would remain on the ride. I always had the ability to get off by making different choices, and yet I ignored what I already knew to do. Things I did throughout my life were based upon the way I felt. I felt like people owed me a special dispensation because I was abused, and somewhere down the line I had developed a victim’s mentality. Overcoming that would be one of the greater challenges of my life.

First and foremost, I thank God for taking everything in my life that I have obliterated with my pathetic, ignorant, rebellious, and selfish choices, and I thank Him that He consistently longs to show me His mercy, grace, and restoration. I have a very colorful past filled with poor choices, but after two failed marriages, and four children later, I went on to be given an opportunity of a lifetime! I hope that you will join me again to share in what that opportunity was! I can’t wait to see you then, and many blessings to you! Have a fabulous day!!!

Who I am Defined!

I have to tell you that after writing the other days post asking the question, Who Am I? it has been heavy within my heart to share with you a piece I have written that I have called "His Reflection". I wrote this because I was deeply searching for my purpose, and to know exactly why I was put here on this earth. What was my destiny and above all who was I? I had to know! Though what I am sharing with you today is a bit lengthy, I believe it can also be life changing! If you haven't read yesterdays post about the question Who Am I? I think you will be truly blessed if you take the time once your finished here to read it.

I have asked myself something many times throughout my life. I wanted to know why I had been through so many things that should have destroyed me either physically or for sure mentally, but yet I was still vivacious and full of passion! Despite my passion and determination for living life to the fullest, there was still a void in my heart that no matter what I did, or where I went, parts of me still remained empty and lifeless. I knew that I was given the ability to conquer anything that came my way, but the ultimate quest was to figure out what my life meant, and who I really was.

So one night I lit my room full of candles and put my favorite song on repeat. I was blank. I couldn't find any words when they usually are so accessible and could pour out of my heart like a flowing river of life. I scribbled some words that I couldn't make sense of no matter how I tried, and then without warning,the tears began to stream down my face. I was desperate to know who I was, and what it would take for me to realize what was inside of me! Then it hit me. Who I am has everything to do with the one who created me, and without Him I would never truly be able to tap into my life's purpose and meaning.

I love God, and I have always known I was supposed to love Him. But there were pieces of me that really believed that I could do this life on my own. So as I began to write, the words flowing faster than I could legibly jot onto my notebook paper, my eyes began to see the bigger picture for my life. How my life's meaning was already planned for me, and it would be up to me and my choices to discover each and every gift, talent, and ability that had been placed within me. And then, it all began to make sense. All of these desires, and plans, and achings in my heart for things that I wanted to do, and become were possible! It was just up to me to unlock those rooms within my heart and begin the journey that would take me through my natural lifetime.

So in that moment as I wrote the piece I am going to share with you now, I found a new hope, and a new passion that if God is willing, I will be able to touch every person I come into contact with, and if I can do nothing else, I know that I can share the passion, and the love, that is within me with others who haven't quite found their way. In giving of my heart and my soul, I have truly found out who I am, and that has paved the way for me to take each new step forward as I journey into my destiny! Please put yourself into this piece I have called "His Reflection" and allow yourself to see through the eyes of my heart into your own!

"His Reflection"

From the beginning
Before you were conceived
God had a special plan for you…
He wrote each day,
especially for you,
designed with joy…

As you grew in your mommy’s tummy,
He had his hand on you,
keeping you safe,
loving you
and
Counting the days until He knew you’d arrive!

He selected your parents even before they were conceived
They were hand picked to touch your heart with His…
That was God’s plan, as they were His gift to you
For you are the very best part of them!

He filled you with His love,
Creativity,
and
Imagination-

You are specifically designed,
Hand embroidered,
and tailored by His heart
To give, to love, and to teach

Though sometimes it’s hard to see His plan
it’s as intricate as when He created you-
He knit you together, hand woven with purpose
And breathed His life into you

Each one of your days are God’s gift to you
Sometimes unclear, even confusing,and painful
He knew what each day would bring…

He trusts you to open each of the gifts
that He placed on the inside of you
from the day you were born
until the day you go home to Him

He has given you so many gifts and talents-
Which will you open next?
Do you know which of His blessed gifts
You have already opened?

You are exactly where He knew you’d be…
In this day, At this time, For this moment
And
He is eagerly, yet patiently watching you… Proudly!
For you have opened gifts that He knows you will use-
For His glory
You have been broken, and reshaped with His eyes
and
His heart…
No limitations, only pure imagination!

His passion flows through you with each step you’ve taken
He has held your hand just as your baby did
As she learned how to walk-
Discovering, Exploring, Completely fascinated
By endless possibilities
Of what you will do
or where you will go

As you step… He is there
As you fall… He catches you gently
In His strong arms full of
Grace,Mercy,Love
And
Full of encouragement!

As He sets you onto your feet to take another step
Into each new step of your life
He can’t wait to see your face
as you find & open another gift
Discovering yet another piece to this puzzle of life-
Your life, and learning who you are

He will love through you,
He will use others to change you,
develop you,
and
remind you of your purpose

Did you know that you are the answer to someone’s prayer?
You have been created for such a time as this!

For as you hear His voice,
and
step out in faith
All confusion,
uncertainty,
and
fear fade away

Your path was chosen just for you
Just like your fingerprints
and
There is no one else like you in all of creation!
No one can do what you can…
Not the way you can do it!

Your faith has moved mountains,
And
Your love changes the lives of those you know…

You are a miracle…a reflection of your Heavenly Father
Who spends each moment, in each day, with you…
Creating a continuous adventure
Exploring new ideas, and new dreams
Your purpose is so great!
The question is do you know it?

Only you can do what He created you for
One step at a time
With each beat of your heart…
He opens doors for you
And holds your hand as you walk through them

Your thankfulness
and
Adoration for your Father
Are what shapes each new moment of your life…

You are the one that God knew He could trust
To reflect His image,
His love,
and His compassion

For you reflect the light of His love
to those you have met,
already know,
And
To those you will meet in the future

This is your purpose
Designed from the beginning of time,
For you to reflect your Heavenly Fathers image-
Through your life, as He shows you who you are!

Who Am I?

When someone asks who you are, how do you respond? Do you tell them your business title, or what you do for a living? Or maybe you go into a list of interests that you have and things that you like to do. It’s a question that leaves room for reflection, but demands an answer if we are ever going to be able to know the answer and then say who we are.

Here is what I know about myself. I am a woman, a writer, an artist, a singer, and a mother, among the many selections of hats available for me to put on in any given day. I know what it is to be abused, rejected, abandoned, alone, depressed, angry, hostile, hopeless, and afraid. I also know that if I wouldn’t have ever been proactive in finding the answer to the question, that I might still be all of those things, and even have the reasons to justify remaining like that.

In order to face yourself and answer that mysterious question, you need to look within your heart to find the things about you that have been wrong. Things like wrong choices, wrong reactions, wrong thinking, and wrong expectations are all a part of the process to discovering who you are because until you can answer these things with honesty to yourself and realize where you have been wrong, you will never be able to truly find the answer you are looking for.

Quite simply, I believe that we each see ourselves according to the attributes that we have, and if asked about those certain attributes, we can go on to describe each of them with passion. We all tend to be proud of what we can do, or with what we have accomplished within our lives. I believe we develop our attributes within the various seasons that we encounter in our lives. Who I was as a child will have changed when I become an adult, and who I was as a single person will dramatically change when I get married. In the process though, we are still developing and cultivating new attributes that work to define who we are. But the underlying fact is that we are who we are no matter what season of our lives we are in. The question is do we know it or not?

As we learn and grow, learn to trust, love, and hold fast to loyalty, it is my belief that the change that happens from the inside out is indescribable. It is in those changes that we are allowed to see through our hearts eyes, and begin to define the answer to that question Who am I?

At some point within our lives, we will have the opportunity to see into the true depths of our heart and look at who we really are on the inside. Laying aside all of the hats, titles, positions, blame, past and mistakes, we will have no choice but to face ourselves head on if we ever want to discover who we are! We may be able to introduce ourselves in the pride and extravagance of who we have convinced ourselves that we are, but deep within us there is a certain nagging of the remnants of what lies buried alive within the inner depths of our soul.

Maybe it is the past murmuring of someone telling us that we will never be good enough, or making cracks at our weight, color, or abilities. It could be something as simple as what it did to us not to be given the hugs and the kisses as a child that torment our perceptions as an adult. All the while we still strive to escape those words and visions. Maybe someone abused you, or cheated on you and now you struggle to find your identity within that devastating loss. Do you still strive to be all that you have dreamed of since you were little, or do you accept a facade in the name of reality? Do you still believe, or are you guarded on every side of your heart determined that you will never be hurt like that again?

Tucked away inside of our hearts cry, is still that voice within us announcing who we really are, with the innocence of that child likeness that still believes that anything is possible, and is not guarded by the pains that have mounted against our hearts for nearly as long as we can remember. Can you hear it? That breathtaking sound of what we would hear if we were free to say who we really are! That still small voice deep within us crying out for someone to know and understand who we are without having to put on a hat for each and every circumstance we encounter throughout our lives. Are you desperate to know who you are even if nobody else ever believed in you?

The answer to this question is only found within one word. That word is Faith! See I can’t possibly tell you who I am if I don’t believe or have faith, or everything I tell you about myself will be based on a past mentality that is jaded, clouded and unable to see from the “now” vantage point. I probably won’t ever see who I am if I am still caught up in needing to be validated by everybody else’s opinion. Who I am should always be relayed in faith. You must believe and have the understanding that you were created for such a time as this, and though sometimes we think that we are not where we would like to be, thank God that we are not where we used to be!

There is so much more within me that is longing to flow out. Longing to discover each and every last talent, ability, and gift that the Lord has generously instilled within each of us! We may all be different from each other, and all have been given different abilities and talents, but the one way that we are all the same is that we all have a dream, and we all have the ability to believe and have faith! Whether we choose to embrace our faith and dreams is entirely up to us. There is nobody that we can blame for why we are where we are, and there is no way that we can stand to say that another person is at fault for our unbelief.

We each were blessed with the ability to see through the eyes of faith! God said so. If you think back, we did it as little children, and somewhere along the way our vision became clouded. It is only possible to know the answer to the question when you choose to have faith and believe, for it is only in faith that you can see yourself from a clear perspective and not with the tainted view from the past that your natural eyes look to see. If you want to see the negative, it will always be there to see, but if you want to see the good in things through the eyes of faith then you will have to do that on purpose or the chances that it will happen at all are slim to none. When you don’t remain in faith you can only see the remnants of the past and the distortions that try to make you believe that you don’t know who you are!

Whether we are male or female, black or white, abused or adored, liked or disliked, will we trust enough in our heart to reach into those depths that have been hidden for what seem to be an eternity, and see who we are in this moment, at this time, and be honest with ourselves about who we really are? It may seem painful to look inside of your heart and search for who you are, but I would rather wade through the pain to get beyond the walls of my heart that have worked to imprison me for so long, than to stay in my comfort zone and never really know who I am!

I personally have determined to live free and to know beyond a shadow of a doubt who God created me to be when he put me on this earth. I don’t want to go through my life knowing inside that there was more for me to learn, do, accomplish, and teach, but never really holding a fierce determination to be concise about that all encompassing question. Who Am I?

If I haven't taken the time to get to know who is in the very innermost parts of my heart and soul, then how will any label or title that I give to someone about myself ever do my introduction justice? There is a confidence that exudes itself from the inner parts of our heart when we know who we are! There is nothing, and no one who can take that away from you no matter what situation you are in, regardless of your place in life, or lack of accomplishments, once you have a true understanding of who you are!

Until you know who you are you will not develop and insist upon proper boundaries in your life that will ultimately determine your failures or successes. Likewise, you will not be able to value yourself or make sound choices and decisions until you yourself know who you are deep within. It is only then, after you have learned who you really are that you will begin to see through the eyes of wisdom and discernment. Nothing will stand in the way of your faith and belief, and you will go forward with the bold determination that you will never stop reaching for your dreams.

You will determine that even if it takes you until you take your last breath, you will keep growing and moving forward never to retreat, be stagnate, depressed, or faithless again.

Having said that, I can tell you with absolute certainty that if you think you know who you are already, but deep down you might still be unclear and not know for sure, that if you will do the things that I mentioned in the previous paragraph, and will decide never to settle for less than your dream…you will find who you are and what you are made of! You can’t make a decision like that and remain the same as you are now for very long. You will either change and become the person that God designed you to be, or you will give up and go back to a lifestyle of habit and comfortability.

I challenge you to face yourself and everything that you are. That means even facing the things that you don’t share with anyone else, or the things that only you and God know to be true. Let all that is broken and hidden deep within your soul be brought to the light in God’s love, and I promise that if you only just believe, you will find the answer to the question was always right there for you to see. You just needed to look in the right place. Let your heart be your guide, and never settle for anything other than the truth. Then you will be able to say with absolute certainty, “This is who I am”!

Never let go of your dreams!

There are so many dreams that I have had throughout my life. While many of my dreams have come true, there are still a multitude of magnificent dreams that surround me, and dance like breathtakingly beautiful silhouettes. They are formed within the depths of my heart and soul inspiring me to run this race of life ever forging ahead, allowing nothing to stop me from achieving every last thing that I know is mine for the taking!

As a little girl I remember believing that I could do absolutely anything that I could imagine. As I grew older, I realized that the dreams I once aspired to achieve were thwarted by poor choices and wrong thinking. Then it occurred to me! If my dreams were to ever become a reality it would have to be simply because of my faith! I would have to believe that others would be drawn to me and that my vision would inspire them to take chances that they normally would never take, and together we would hold hands, reach up to the stars, and see the once unattainable dreams and visions become a reality.

I hold fast to the belief that vision attracts vision, and dream attracts dream. I like to think about the Law of Magnetic Resonance. An illustration of the Law of Magnetic Resonance is this: picture that you have two pianos in one room. One is at one end of the room and the other piano is at the other end of the room opposite of the first piano. You then strike a key on the first piano to hear the sound come forth, but then if you were to walk across the room to the second piano, and lift up the top, you would find that the same key that you struck on the first piano would be vibrating on the second piano that you never laid a finger on! In the same way dreams and visions attract like or similar dreams and visions.

There may be many elements involved within achieving a dream. You may have a spectacular dream, but don’t know how to run a business, and you don’t have the funding to pursue your dream, or know the people who can assist in making your dream come to fruition. BUT…

With passion you begin to share your dream with others and you inspire someone with your dream who knows a person who knows how to do exactly what you are dreaming of and want to accomplish, and that person magically knows someone who can procure the funding that you need to get started, and almost miraculously you are then introduced to someone who knows exactly how to market your dream, and voila your end result is that you have a plethora of resources to accomplish your dream. Magnificently it all flowed together so quickly (kind of like a snowball effect) that you almost forgot why. Because you passionately believed in your dream and shared it with another person, you began the process of attracting all of the people and abilities necessary to bring your vision and dream come to pass!

If you have a dream that is big enough for you to accomplish on your own then I say your dream isn’t big enough yet! You have to dream bigger than yourself and that takes amazing faith! Faith won’t let you give up or let you let go of your dream. Even when things look on the outside as if they are always going to be the same and that there isn’t an end in sight, your faith will hold you and guide you into the endless possibilities that are only available to those who aren’t willing to let go of their dreams. I can tell you that I have dreams that I see so clearly in my mind, and they are so vivid to me as if they already are! My faith allows me to see a parallel universe. One I can touch with my hands and see with my eyes, and the other I see with my hearts eyes as if I already have it. No matter how much time goes by I don’t give up or become discouraged simply because I can’t deny what my heart already sees. My dreams exist and they are much more than just dreams, they are my hearts deepest desires only made possible by continued faith and the pursuance of my belief in them.

My vision is clear and my purpose is great. I will live with absolute passion and yield my heart to faith while patiently and expectantly awaiting my dreams to come true. Along the way I know that my dreams will give way to igniting the passion in others that I hold dear to my life and heart, and together we will ignite the burning desires within our intricate dreams which ultimately hold the key to our destinies.