I’m Not a ‘Ho
This week’s post is totally different from the regular posts you normally read here and that is because it is from our guest writer, Kate Yu. I suppose her honest and figurative tone definitely gives an interesting color to this blog.
Kate is a talented young writer who is currently teaching in China while pursuing a career in writing. Her blog, Live Out of the Box, showcases not only her opinions and advices on traveling, teaching, personal development, and other things but also her writing prowess. I met her through her blog and I have to say that I was, and still am, impressed by her works. When I learned that she writes guest posts, I didn’t hesitate to ask her to make one for Bizarre Marriage even if I know that she’s not in an intercultural relationship because I believe that an opinion from her, a nonconformist outsider, is still worth reading.
***
I saw her grinding the dance floor with a man old enough to be in her grandfather. She could’ve been fourteen but it was hard to tell with her thigh length shorts and f— me boots. She was allowing him full of access to her chest and her face was practically covered by his saliva. I was disgusted with such blatant display of pedophilia and wondered why she would stoop so low till I saw a glint of his balding golden hair and the wallet full of cash.
Ah.
She was a Pinay whore.
It’s women like these that can give decent Pinays a bad name. All you have to say is one word, “Filipina.” and foreign men look upon you as fresh meat they want to jump into bed with. I’ve had this experience in China where I work as a teacher. Just by saying my nationality was enough for one American to tag along with us for half an hour uninvited, a leery glimmer in his eye. My friend Belle told a Frenchman where she was from and was immediately offered HK$5,000 on the spot for one night.
What’s a decent girl to do? Whoredom isn’t our profession but it might have well been tattooed on our foreheads. It’s hard to shake away this tainted assumption what for every Filipino woman earning a respectable living out there, there’s twice the number of hoes spreading their mocca colored legs.
Worse than whores, are those notorious Filipina gold-diggers who milk men endlessly for their money and a one way ticket to their country. A cloud of this doubt settled in on Chinese expat Shelly’s relationship. She was in love with Harry, a scholarly Brit till he accused her one night in a jealous rage of using him to get into UK. “I don’t need your goddamned passport!” she snarled. “And FYI, you can keep your cash because I make more money than you!”. That was the last Harry saw of her.
These are just some of the many problems other Filipinas encounter should they ever find love in a foreign man’s arms. It’s sad that such relationships would be stained with such stereotyping. But as long as families remain unfed, Filipinas as young as twelve year olds would be forced to take up the garter belt to please the sex-starved old men in the world. The unclean assumptions would continue to spread like unshakeable noxious smog. And for the rest with decent jobs? Spat at those who misjudge you and prove them wrong. No matter how much false misconception is out there, we have enough guts to rise above it. If he still thinks of you as some cheap hussy, then leave him with your dignity and respect intact. You’re worth way more than that and you know it.
Whoever said love was easy?
Let’s Meet and Talk
I was once asked what difficulties I encounter being in an intercultural marriage and I thought not much because my husband and I talked about almost all of the important things from the start. It was not enough to say that we love each other. It was also important to make some things clear.
Money, religion, customs, previous relationships, ambitions, expectations, and future plans are some of the important things you need to discuss from the start. That may sound like you’re about to go on a business deal but of course I don’t mean it that way. When I say “talk about these things”, I didn’t mean that you do it in one sitting or in a few hours of chatting over the internet. I believe that a relatively long engagement is needed. It will help both parties to learn about each other more.
I do believe in online relationships but such can only be successful if you meet your partner face to face and if you spend time with each other. Chatting and exchanging emails strip a lot of important things that happens in an authentic face to face conversation. Facial expressions, tones of voice, eye contact, and other things that help you judge and understand better what the other person is “really” saying. So until you meet your partner face to face, don’t decide or commit yourself just yet.
Marrying for Money
Marrying for money or wealth can be traced back to the beginnings of civilization. In the ancient times, physically strong men are sought after by women for marriage simply because of two reasons. First is the very obvious one; women can depend on their brawny husbands to hunt and feed the 
family and the second reason is because in their times, hunters and warriors have better chances to be chosen to lead a clan therefore marrying one of them will assure a woman of a place in their society.
Marrying for financial and social security is being practiced since the beginning of time. It’s nothing new. “Strong” changed its meaning through the centuries but the very idea is still there. Today, “strong” men are those who have money or a good position in politics, business, or well known institutions and women still go for them.
What does it have to do with intercultural marriage? Well, a lot. See all these young women from third world countries getting married to older western guys from richer nations. Is it because of love? Most of the time, it is not. Is it right? One can only argue but this is a controversy has never been solve.
See a picture of an old western guy with a young Asian wife who both get what they expect from their relationship; the guy gets companionship and the girl gets relief from financial constraints plus she’s able to help her family back in Asia. Given that they stay faithful and nice to each other, this can be considered “picture perfect”.
But is it really?
The cultural differences between couples in intercultural marriage are difficult enough to deal with even if there is the presence of “love” so imagine one without it. It could only be a relationship without love but is toppled with expectations—such can only lead to disaster. Both persons will always feel that they are being used by the other and therefore, they will not be truly happy.
But still a lot of young women willingly do it and many older guys agree to such arrangement. For the guy, it could be because of desperation to have somebody and the fear of being alone for the rest of his life and for the girl, it could be because of poverty, obligations, and ambition. They put “love” aside or they hope that it will somehow blossom overtime.
Looking at it from the outside, one can say that this kind of relationship is doomed, shallow, or hypocritical but we know that only the person himself can defined his happiness and for the people who marry for something other than love, their happiness could be defined by the benefits of getting into such relationship. For them, it could still be “picture perfect.”
Philippines on Divorce
I know I have written about divorce in the Philippines in my other blog but I also have to write about it here specially because this blog is not only about intercultural relationships but this blog is also about married couples and marriage as a whole. Now, for those of you who don’t know yet, there is no divorce in the Philippines. Meaning Philippine citizens can only marry once until their partner dies or until their marriage is annulled.
There is a huge difference between annulment and divorce but in simple words, annulment can be defined as the process of proving that a marriage is not valid. Annulment needs deeper reasons and these reasons should be proven before an annulment is granted and once it’s granted, the two persons in an annulled marriage can marry other persons. Divorce, on the other hand is a legal act to dissolve a marriage and reasons for divorce can be anything. Is there annulment in the Philippines? Yes. Is it easy to get an annulment and can any couple apply for an annulment? No and no. Why? Well for annulment, you need a “valid” reason to begin with. Is your spouse gay? Is your spouse mentally crazy and you only learned about it after the marriage? Were you too young when you got married making you “psychologically incapacitate” at the time of your marriage (or vice versa)? These are just some of the accepted reasons but I tell you, there aren’t a lot. Reasons like home violence and infidelity are not accepted as grounds for annulment. And for people who like to get out of a failed marriage, they normally can just result to separation which can end marital problems but does not stop the marriage. Meaning, separated couples are still considered by the law as “married” and therefore they cannot remarry.
What if you are married to somebody who is not Filipino? What if you married outside the Philippines? Can you get divorced? The answer is a big fat NO. You see, when you get married to a foreign person in another country, you normally register your marriage to the nearest Philippine Embassy. You need to do this specially if you need to change your name in your Passport and because Philippine Law demands that you do. Once you register your marriage to the embassy, you’ll be regarded as “married” so no matter where you are, if you are a Filipino, you are still under and you are still expected to abide by the Philippine Law. Your foreign spouse can divorce you but you can’t divorce your foreign spouse. Why? Because your foreign spouse is not bound to the Philippine Law but you are. Your non-Filipino spouse can remarry but you can’t.
Many will dispute this but I personally agree that the proposed Divorce Bill in the Philippines should be approve immediately because I believe that there is no sanctity in an oppressive marriage and for a person who is in such deserve to get out from it should be given a chance to find quality marital relationship with another person.
Just Updates
I would like to take this opportunity to thank Ruthi again for the wonderful job she did here in BizarreMarriage.com. If you haven’t yet, I advise you to read her online dating series and her article about intercultural marriage. These articles will surely entertain you and give you insights about getting in and being in an intercultural relationship. If you enjoy her articles you may read more about her here and here.
Ruthi also runs a series of blogs and I can understand that she’s busy on her blogs now so for the next few weeks, I would like to take the responsibility in contributing articles on Bizarremarriage.com. I will still ask Ruthi to write articles for this blog from time to time though because I think this blog needs her straightforwardness and humor every now and then.
Meantime, there is something I would like to do for this blog and I was thinking about it for a very long time already and this plan will be revealed in one of my next posts. This will need readers’ support and I am cooking it carefully now so I hope that you guys are staying in tune for that.
