canny granny

Stop me if you’ve heard this

1600 years ago a man goes up to a slave trader and complains

“The slave you sold me died.”

The trader replies: “Did he? By the gods, when he was with me he never did such a thing!”

40 years ago a man goes up to a petshop owner and complains

“The parrot you sold me died.”

The petshop owner replies : “Did he? By god, when he was with me he never did such a thing!”

It’s impossible for you to have heard the joke the first time around when Hierocles and Philagrius strutted their stuff on the Greek stage around the year 400, but it could be possible for you to have seen Monty Python’s parrot sketch in 1969.

US classics professor William Berg has translated 260 old jokes in Philogelos: The Laugh Addict.

Another old joke starts: “A man walks into a bar . . .

Miserable Swine

Did you know that Prince Charlie, the not so bonny, turned down an invitation to appear on Dr Who?

Russell T Davies, who has been credited with resurrecting Dr Who, was speaking to 2,000 sci-fi fans about his new book, Doctor Who: The Writer’s Tale , when he revealed Charles had turned him down.

“He turned us down, the miserable swine.”

I wish Russell would ask me, I have a long history with Dr Who. I’ve been watching since the beginning! Felicity Kendall has had a guest experience, I could have done her bit quite well- and Kylie Minogue’s guest spot was so popular they must be hanging out for another Australian. I’m going to write a letter this very evening and let the producers know I’m available. Wish me luck.

Three Cheers for magic Hari Puttar

Three Cheers for Hari!
A Bollywood movie entitled Hari Puttar will open as planned in India after beating off a legal challenge.

Warner Bros, which owns the rights to the blockbuster Harry Potter movies, argued the Indian film was too similar to its franchise. But lawyer Pratibha Singh said that consumers who read the Harry Potter books, written by JK Rowling, were sufficiently educated to know Hari Puttar was different.

“Our film bears no resemblance to the Hollywood film Harry Potter and it is a completely different story.”

Are you sufficiently educated to see the difference? I’m madly trying to think of an Australian version.

I hear a cry for help

This large, very large, home called ‘Clifton Hall’, was bought by Anwar Rashid for four million English quid ($8 million Australian) back in 2007.

A nice little place of 52 rooms, it dates back to the Norman conquest and is known as one of the ’stately homes of England’.

But Rashid says it’s haunted. Apparently, for the last eight months mysterious figures have been flitting along the corridors, tapping on walls and occasionally speaking gibberish in sepulchral tones.

Ghostly presences even took the forms of their children! (Ghastly indeed, but as a former parent I think I can explain that one)

Rashid says : “When we found red blood spots on the baby’s quilt, that was the day my wife said she’d had enough.”

He called in paranormal investigators but they couldn’t help. I’m offering to go and stay there for 6 weeks to do a spot of ghost busting. Maybe 10 weeks, it depends on the weather.