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THE THREE
LOLA Profile Coming Soon
ROSE "The Housewife", lives in the New York City area with her husband who is six years her junior and her 15 month old son. Formerly a wild child who once considered herself "least likely to marry and have children", now living the domestic life.
DEE "The Thirty-Something Gal" from Boston. Recently broke up with her fiancé, has experience in the beauty industry and seems to know all of the people in the magazines. Is the head of sales? Or something like this. Runs marathons, drinks lot’s of coffee and has bottles of Pellegrino on her desk. Is on this journey to recover…financially, spiritually, and mentally from poor decisions of the past.TALK TO US
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HAPPY NEW YEAR!
what's sex? HOT SEX
Girls, I had hot sex with my husband last night. I'm writing about it, why, because this doesn't happen often. I'm hoping it's just the beginning of something that will only get better with time, like a fine bottle of wine. He dominated me and it was fantastic. Freeing actually. Probably for him too. He listened to what I wanted and gave it to me. Ah yes he gave it to me good on an EVA foam ABC playmat, while our son slept soundly in his crib. Everyone needs a good slap across the face on occasion, don't you think? SOME PEOPLE
Girls, Today I find out that I need new breaks, or my car will not stop. Today I find out that I need something called external belts, not sure what this is, but if it's anything like the chastity belt I wear I want no part of it. I could live out of my car this month for the bill. Sigh, breath, remember, it's only money... Went stumbling today and found this... thought you'd appreciate the irony... Much ado about nothing... Some People some people never go crazy. they'll find me there. then, I'll rise with a roar, some people never go crazy. Dee RED
HOLY SHIT, Lola. just read your last entry. that was some session! you were brave that's what I think. you said so much and, you felt SO much. and know this... you ARE doing it! ANNOYED
therapy yesterday was very emotional. i didn't know i was so close to tears and...i didn't know. i thought i had an amazing weekend. i told my therapist that if we see each other outside the office that i wouldn't be "delighted". once i told him that i'd be delighted if we bump into each other at the market. bullshit. i told him about my dream, two nights ago. how we were in his office, and he said, "Now we were going to have a different kind of therapy." that i would sit on the couch, and he would now sit way over at the other end of the room. far away from me. he asked me how i felt in the dream and i told him, "Annoyed." then i broke down. hid my face in my hands and wept. when i did that, he got up. i almost had a heart attack, i asked him what he was doing. he said he was moving his chair 3 inches closer. girls, i know that's against the rules. i said i was pissed off at his sex. the whole lot of men. how the whole thing was a lie. but that i was sick of therapy too. sick of his room. i was tired of him being a substitute boyfriend. then i told him about the twirling tampon. i wanted to know about irrational thoughts. if they were normal. ready for the twirling tampon? it's my most disgusting story ever. i told him that if i told my ex, Paul, this story, then i must tell him. because if i can't trust my therapist, then what am i doing in therapy? when Paul and i moved back to New York, i had a crazy/fun/horrible job. it was in the 42nd street area, the heartbeat of insanity for the city, in my opinion. we were street level, floor to ceiling windows. i could see everything on the street while giving a soothing shampoo. this job, was so crazy, clients would be shampooed, and told to wait, sometimes an hour, to get their haircut. you see, there was a line of people ahead of them. a head. the wet clients would be directly behind me, waiting, with mean faces. watching me cut hair. plus, i couldn't cut hair at the time. i was all i could take. so i went into the bathroom. and in the waste basket, on top of the garbage, in full view, was a red, pissed off, tampon. horrible. i had a thought: what would happen if i took the tampon by the string, and twirled it over my head, and ran around the salon like a crazy person? what would happen? that night, when i told Paul my thought, he laughed. he said that wasn't anything. that was nothing, in fact, compared to his insane thoughts. it was comforting. THAT is what i'm missing. RIGHT there. i could tell he wanted to laugh. to his credit, he remained somewhat professional. he asked me what i wanted in a man. i said, "After all these months you don't know?" "I want YOU", i said. he turned red. i said, "I embarrassed you." well, what do i want? a brain. i want a big brain. with a body attached, that's what i want. in a man. and when are the Gods going to shine down? because loneliness is killing me. it's fucking killing me. L. EAT MEAT BALLS
If you really want to know how my Thanksgiving was click HERE. My mother-in-law leaves next Monday after a two month stay. While I'll be happy to have my sofa back, and the lovemaking that came along with it, I'm going to miss her. Okay, she can be offputting at times. Like when she diddles my son's penis because she wants to show him that he has one, and today when my son pointed to her chest she lifted her shirt, (no bra on underneath) and showed him her sagging breast and encouraged him to suck on it!!!! WHATTTTTTTTTTT! I'm not making this hit up. Made me very uncomfortable, still I did manage to laugh nervously. I'm him mother and I wouldn't even do it. Yes he was breastfed for nine months, and likely his curiousity about breasts, mine, hers and everyone else's is a memory he has of that part of the body as being a nurturing one. But please, my dear mother-in-law, don't traumatize him! Well...he took one look at it, tried to bite it and then literally backed away. A little freaked out. A look on his face as if he'd tasted a lemon. last year when I would be in the bedroom breastfeeding him, I remember her coming in to kiss his forehead. Mind you her lips were only an inch away from my nipples and I was AGAIN very uncomfortable. I remind myself that she's from a village. No school education. Only a few journeys into the city. Very simple minded. What I find strange may be the norm where she comes from. Who knows. All I know is that I cried last year when she left and I'm sure I'll do it again. Only this time I'll be prepared with tissue in hand. The apartment can be a lonely place during the day when it's just me and the baby. I didn't think I'd want company but now that I've had it for two months I will surely miss it. That and her fabulous meatballs! EAT MORE TURKEY!
Lola here. how is everybody? everyone have a nice turkey? i am so in love with my therapist it's painful. really. it hurts me. i understand transference but when am i going to transfer my feelings over to an available, unpaid human? i had a good Thanksgivng, great even. i had fun. and i was sober. then my brother, told me a disturbing story about a buddy of his, and x N/A friend. N/A is an offshoot of AA, for narcotic addiction. seems this fellow, after 12 years, started using again. also, started mainlining cocaine and heroin. after 12 years. so Thanksgiving night, full from turkey and pie, i'm driving home and the craving hits hard. craving, missing, needing, to get drunk. blind drunk. almost tasting the alcohol that i've been denying myself for 8 months. i wanted to stop at a bar but did not. next day, i call my therapist, because the craving was gone, but i wanted my joy back, and i lost it. he's not working. of course not. it's still a holiday. he shoots me an e-mail at 7 that evening. "sorry, not working. eat more turkey!" eat more turkey? 100 bucks an hour, eat more turkey? i'm only telling you this: i laughed like hell. FILL IN THE BLANK
Lola, thank god you're okay. I was a little worried. You're a smoker and the first thing I thought of was throat cancer. And then I thought, I can't lose my friend. Not after four years of not talking to her. She's finally back in my life for good. Nope, as far as I was concerned it was nothing. Well thank god! I always try to save myself a trip to the doctor by visiting WEB MD and try to come up with some kind of self diagnosis that makes sense. Really I hate those damn paper gowns and how you have to take everything off underneath but your damn panties and wait, wait WAIT in a room that is usually cold and has flourescent lights for the doctor to come in and size you up. He'll rarely look you in the eye, but he'll ask you some of the most personal questions. And after all that they finally come up with an answer...."Let me prescribe you with [FILL IN THE BLANK]." I rarely take the drugs. I'm a control freak. Don't like putting synthetic bullshit in my body. I won't even take Tylenol unless I really, really need it. I should have been a drug addict or an alcoholic. Everyone in my family, to the right and to the left of me, mother's side and father's; father, brother, sister, grandmother, grandfather - all suffered from some form of addiction. How did I manage to escape it? Aside from being a control freak, I don't usually take prescriptions because I happen to know that a lot of doctors are given financial incentives by the pharmaceutical companies to push their drugs. Better to sit in the comfort of my own home and drive myself crazy thinking I have cancer, than to inconvenience myself with the damn doctor. Unless I really have to. And today I HAD to. Dee, you're still young (Under 35), but this is what you have to look forward to. Your body will begin to slowly fall apart. It was a gradual process for me beginning around 35 and then BAM, I had a baby and WHAM I woke up one morning an old woman whose bones creaked and whose muscles ached. You know I threw my back out a month ago. That's why my Mother-In-Law flew all the way from Greece...to come to my rescue. And then the back healed and something else happened. An awful pain in my right upper thigh and groin area extending to my right buttocks. I walk a little distance and it begins to hurt so much that I find myself standing frozen like a statue, unable to move another step. My husband keeps telling me, "You better get better before my mother leaves because after that we're on our own again." I wish it were that simple. Today the doc told me I have some kind of bursitis (sp?) in the hip and it is responsible for my pain. He wants me to get a shot of steroids. The other doctor I saw about my back three weeks ago recommended the same and even though I was recovering from the most excruciating pain of my life I said, "No thanks." But this time I may just be desperate enough to take the damn drugs. I want to feel good again. Pain free. I want to be able to chase the baby around the house, and pick him up, and walk a short distance without freezing up again. I go back to see an Orthopedic doctor in January. They will be the ones to stick me. But I have to wait two months! That's what happens when you have Medicaid. The wait to see a doctor is unbearable. Oh to be young again. And to run again. Dee...I don't know why I was surprised when you took up running. You're always on the run. Running to and from and fro. And where are you running now? Why no speak? I'm ready to tell all my friends no more INTERNET. No more virtual friendships. I've had it. I want real conversations. If not face to face, at least phone. We make time for the things that are important to us. Make time for me Dee. Call me when you're icing your knees and drinking wine. Or call me on your way to work. Or from work. Or on your lunch break. Just call me already. Love, Rosita |
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