Interview Meme from Jim: More About ME (Lucky You) Wait, Please Don't Go...

Well, in case you haven't learned enough about me over the past couple of weeks, I was honored and pleased to have been chosen by Jim at IPR for the Interview Meme that has been coveted and desired by so many bloggers (sorry, it was fixed, cause I am his BFF and he is obligated). He came up with some incredible questions (and very deep, I may add) and although I feel about as deep as a puddle lately, I will try to answer these questions seriously and thoughtfully, with nary a mention of dildos or boobs. (haha, yeah right. I had you going there didn't I?) Well, here goes nothing. I hope I "do you" proud Jim (not a dirty reference, by the way, go read here and check out the comments and you will understand).

1. What is the bravest thing that you feel you've ever done? Physically, emotionally, or whatever.

Since I am a complete wimp and almost never take any physical chances at all, I would have to say that the bravest thing I ever did was to take on an emotionally stunted single dad, his 1-year-old son and his psychotic baby momma in my senior year of college. My family at the time would have told you it was the stupidest thing I ever did (sorry honey, they didn't all love and adore you then like they do now), but thank God I did. There was just something about him, and I fell in love with his little munchkin the minute I laid eyes on him, so I knew I couldn't walk away. I gave up all my friends, my social life and my intended career (acting) to pursue a relationship of which I had no idea where it would lead. So many times I was sure it was going to end in heartbreak--a messy, disastrous mistake; and although many times it hurt and tore all of us apart, it didn't end. It thrived and grew into the best friendship I have ever had and a family to treasure.

Plus, he's really good in bed.

2. What one talent do you wish you had that you don't?

This is an easy one. I wish I was superbly athletic. I want to be one of those people who can play any sport with ease and have a generic predisposition to be in top physical condition. Although I am not completely uncoordinated and I am not a bad dancer, other than that, I have always been hopelessly mediocre at EVERY sport I have ever attempted to participate in. Even as a pilates instructor and personal trainer, I was the one that had to work twice as hard to obtain similar results as others, and never really reached the peak performance and physique that I desired. When I look at those sinewy, long, lean muscular bodies on people that barely work out but can hit a ball going 100 miles an hour and can spike a volleyball with ferocity, I want to throw up. But that's a habit I am not going to revisit, and is another post altogether...

3. We all have our reasons for blogging but what would be your ultimate goal for your blog or as a blogger?

I would have to say my ultimate goal for blogging would to become insanely famous and attain the celebrity and riches that I rightly deserve. No, really.

Nah, I don't need to be a celebrity. But I would like to be known by a small group of respected people in the writing world by writing a book or column someday. That would be cool. Honestly, I love to write, I love the interaction of writing for the web and the blogosphere and would like to be able to make money doing something I love and working the least amount of hours possible so I can spend tons of times with my kids. That's it.

4. You can trade lives with any one person for a month. Who would it be and why?

The Bloggess. Because I want to get into her sick, twisted and fascinating mind for just one day and experience what it feels like to be loved and adored by thousands on the interweb. And not give a shit.

5. There is a fire and your family is safe but you have the chance to save any one item from your home. What would it be and why?

Does a dog count as an item? Cause I would have to say my puppy face, Maggie, if so. But if she counts as a member of the family, then I would say I would grab my computer (and not for the selfish reasons you think...well, maybe a little bit), but because all my family photos are on the hard drive of my computer and there really is nothing else in this house that I care enough about to bother with. Thankfully, anything that means anything to us is in storage so all that would burn down here would be a lot of STUFF. Stuff that I can do without. A lot that I should probably get rid of NOW, fire or no fire. So I would grab my computer, save the pics of my kids and it would also be a nice little perk that I could blog about the fire in the hotel room.

6. You have the chance to go back in time and warn yourself before making a bad choice. What choice would it be and would you tell yourself?

Fuckin' Jim, has to make me really think and dig deep down into my pathetic little soul. Sigh. This is a tough question. Because there are SO many stupid things that I have done in my (sorta) short life, but I don't know how they would affect my life today so I am not sure if I would warn myself or not. What if I went back and warned myself about sleeping with some asshole in college (this is hypothetical of course because I didn't sleep with anyone until my wedding night--right, Mom?) and then instead of sleeping with him that night I went to a bar on campus and met some other guy who I thought was awesome and married him but then he turned on me and started beating me up like Jennifer Lopez in Closer and I had to go on the run and instead of today being happily married with two awesome kids and a cool blog, I was holed up in some safe house in Seattle with a vendetta and a really bad haircut? That would suck ass. So I don't think I would warn myself about anything. And, yes, I know I totally copped out of this answer and I don't care.

OK, now that I have convinced all of you just how crazy I ACTUALLY am, I will let you all go and ponder how much more well-adjusted you are than I am. You're welcome for making you feel better about yourself today. I am a giver, what can I say?

P.S. I just noticed I didn't mention dildos or boobs in that post. I am so deep.

P.P.S. I just made you say pee pee in your head.

P.P.S. Maybe I am not that deep...

He Blogs, She Blogs: Farts, Sex and Boobs--Oh My!

Well, Jim and I are very happy with the way He Blogs, She Blogs has taken off, and the suggestions just keep rolling in. This week, we have some hot topics to discuss, among them some of my favorite things--sex and boobs. Alas, one of my least favorite things is also on the list, and that is FARTS. But, needless to say, there is plenty to be said about all of them. This week we are fielding questions from Casey at Half as Good as You, Michele from It's a Dog's Life, Izzy at Escape from Dullsville, and Elizabeth from Parenting Pink, so let's get going!

The lovely Casey wrote: Ok, I've got one that's prolly already been asked but here goes: What's your stance on farting in the home. Is it fair game for anyone, anytime or do you guys pretend you don't do it? Petra, do you let them rip along with the boys? Jim, are you ALLOWED to let them rip? Do tell.....

As a matter of fact, Casey, you are the first one to ask this, and I am surprised because it has always been a hot button topic in our house. I would like to start by saying that I am a lady and do not do such vile things as fart, but my husband, children and dog have plenty of experience in the matter. HA! Just kidding, of course I fart, but unlike the other disgusting members of my household, I don't do any of the following:

1. Announce it beforehand to the entire room

2. Lift my leg to take full advantage of the acoustics of the room so

that it reverberates off the walls

3. Sit on someone else before doing it

4. Say "aw man, did you hear that one?" after doing it

Yes, my husband AND two children are both fans of making it known when they fart and the louder and smellier the better. I will admit that when I first started living with my husband, I was horrified at the sounds and smells that he just let rip with abandon without an iota of embarrassment. And there have been times when the odor was so foul that I gagged and practically lost my lunch. But now seven years later, there is only one time that my husband lets loose that it bothers me, and that is moments after sex. I'm sorry, but nothing kills the afterglow faster than hearing a juicy, disgusting fart echo through the room after some good lovemaking. Other than that, it doesn't even faze me anymore. I, on the other hand, fart discreetly or go into the bathroom, even though I know the whole family would get a kick out of it and probably hold up score cards. Well, maybe that is WHY I do it discreetly...sickos.

Michele said: I'll need to add Petra to my reader so I can keep up. My question: Why is it that when I am cooking (read that as real busy) the husband insists on starting a cuddle? Do all men see a woman in the kitchen and think sex?

Good question Michele. In my case, it seems like my husband often feels the need to grab, grope or molest me mostly when I am busy doing something, not just exclusively in the kitchen. And don't get me wrong, I love knowing that he finds me sexy and wants to get it on, but there are certain things that need to be done, and nobody else is going to do them, you know what I mean? I am always torn between dropping what I am doing, ripping off his clothes and going at it right then and there, and pushing him away and telling him to go take a cold shower until I am done doing what I am doing. I'd say it's about 50/50.

Izzy wrote: Just found your blog -- enjoying it so far!! :-) I think the he said / she said thing is brilliant. Here's a question for you that my hubby and I argue over allllll the time (and no, we don't have kids): say your very young son wants to try ballet. Do you say "no way, play football" or do you let him give it a shot?

The answer to this question is much different today than it was seven years ago. When I first met my husband he was practically grunting and dragging his knuckles on the ground when he walked. Macho is an understatement. He wouldn't even entertain the thought of his son doing ballet or anything less than testosterone driven. But now, seven years later, he is older and wiser and a whole lot more open-minded (thanks to me, lol) and as much as he would love our son to play sports because of the jock he is, he also realizes that he needs to do what he enjoys and what he is good at. So now, I think, although he wouldn't be thrilled, he would certainly allow our son to do ballet if he wanted to. It's amazing when these boys we married actually grow up, isn't it?

And last, but certainly not least, Elizabeth said: Hi Petra! Great post. And yes, I do have a question I'd like you and Jim to discuss. Boobs. BOOBS (just in case you needed more of an emphasis on it). I wanna know why men want them so BIG (or do they??? hmmm....). And what about FAKE boobs? Do men really like the Pamela Anderson look? Yes, I've got boobs on my brain today, so I'd love a great discussion on the whole boob thing LOL

Well, first of all, I have big boobs, so it's never really been an issue with them not being big enough. And I, for one, can appreciate a nice pair of REAL D-cups. I love boobs. But I just don't get the whole enormous, unnatural looking silicone look some of the porn stars and Playboy Bunnies have going on. To me, they just look silly, and not at all sexy (especially knowing that they aren't God given). As for my husband, he loves him some boobies, and I think for him, bigger is better (up to about a D cup). Let's face it people, men and women are just totally different. Men associate large breasts with an abundance of sexuality (and probably something else Freudian and to do with motherhood and breastfeeding, who knows?) Most men are going to love those big, crazy boobies but I think most rational ones also realize that the real thing is best (like my husband who just said he would take a real pair over a fake pair any day. And boobies of all sizes are beautiful. And that Pam Anderson is too big. But mine are perfect. Heehee, he's gonna get laid tonight.)

I hope that answered your questions folks. Head over to Jim's blog and read his manly answers to compare and contrast to my feminine (and obviously superior) answers over here. And keep those questions coming, so that we can continue to bring you He Blogs, She Blogs for the rest of eternity (or at least until we get sick of doing it).

My 200th Post--200 Things I Love (Or Like a Lot) **UPDATED**

**UPDATE**

I just wanted to add here that this list was not given very much thought and I literally sat down and wrote whatever shit popped into my head and as many of my favorite bloggers that I could think of, and many of my favorites were left off the list. I feel bad that some of my absolute faves were left off the list so please feel free to e-mail me and harass me about not being included. Also, I should have listed separately my mother, father, husband, daughter, stepson, sisters, aunts, uncles, and in-laws. And sex should have been listed three times, while dildos listed twice. I think that covers everything...I never realized that a 200 favorite things list would be so complicated...

------------------------------------------------------------

Well folks, I just noticed that I was approaching my 200th post so I decided to do something special to commemorate it (and to torture you because, well, it's fun). So here are 200 things I love (or like a lot) in no particular order:

1. My family
2. My friends
3. My in-laws' cat, Cricket
4. My sister's cat Lilac
5. Blogging
6. Writing
7. Reading
8. Being thin
9. SEX
10. The smell of books
11. Coffee
12. WINE
13. Pasta
14. Bread
15. Pizza
16. Chocolate
17. Ice cream
18. Pie
19. Cake
20. Cheese
21. My daughter's smile
22. My daughter's laugh
23. My husband's ass
24. How my husband looks when he wears his glasses--HOT!
25. James Marsden
26. Ryan Gosling
27. Julia Roberts
28. Movies
29. Musicals
30. My dog
31. Acting
32. Singing
33. Dancing
34. Weddings
35. Music
36. Ice Skating
37. Roses
38. Swimming
39. California
40. My Blackberry
41. My ipod
42. My computer
43. My bed
44. Sleeping
45. DILDOS!!!
46. The Red Sox
47. The Patriots
48. Tom Brady
49. Monkeys
50. Puppies
51. Tiffany necklaces
52. SHOES
53. Jeans
54. Sweatpants
55. Babies
56. House
57. Hugh Laurie
58. American Idol
59. Ryan Seacrest
60. Pregnant bellies
61. Boobs
62. Kissing
63. Sunsets
64. The beach at night
65. Candles
66. Massages
67. Pedicures
68. Facials
69. Down comforters
70. The Jonas Brothers
71. The Laurie Berkner Band
72. Raffi
73. Trivial Pursuit
74. Tattoos
75. Body piercings
76. Mohawks
77. Brightly colored hair
78. A clean house
79. Well behaved kids
80. Feeling loved
81. Making people laugh
82. Giving hugs
83. Good conversation
84. Dinner in a great restaurant
85. Jim from IPR
86. He Blogs, She Blogs
87. Maggie, Dammitt
88. Vodka Mom
89. Elizabeth from Parenting Pink
90. Athena from Hot Child in the Suburbs
91. The Blogess
92. The Goodfather
93. Captain Dumbass
94. Busy Dad
95. Krystal from Mommy's Escape 6.0
96. The Stiletto Mom
97. Ron from CK's Lunchbox
98. Steenky Bee
99. Marinka from Motherhood in New York City
100. Braja
101. Casey from Half as Good as You
102. Jenny from Jiggety Jigg
103. The Redneck Mommy
104. Toni from A Daily Dose of Toni
105. Bee from Bee's Musings
106. Diane from Diane's Addled Ramblings
107. The Offended Blogger
108. Angie from Cup of Snarky
109. Cat from Zipbag of Bones
110. Cat from Three Bedroom Bungalow
111. Jay from Halftime Lessons
112. Black Hockey Jesus
113. Ballpoint pens
114. New journals
115. Scarves
116. Fun hats
117. Fleece blankets
118. Birthdays
119. Barbecues
120. Fireworks
121. Memories from my childhood
122. Reminiscing
123. Feeling appreciated
124. Shopping for clothes
125. Fall
126. Playing with my kids
127. Snuggling with my kids
128. Going on dates with my husband
129. Facebook
130. Playdates
131. Girls' Night Outs
132. Sex toy parties
133. SUV's
134. GPS navigation systems
135. Digital cameras
136. Pictures of my family
137. Dolphins
138. Penguins
139. The aquarium
140. New York City
141. Live theater
142. Long hair
142. Going to the hair dresser
143. Air hockey
144. Pinball
145. Bowling
146. Miniature golf
147. The color pink
148. The number 21
149. Raspberry Stoli
150. Beer
151. Peanuts
152. Pretzels
153. Chicken noodle soup
154. Grilled cheese sandwiches
156. Warm baths
157. Going to the park
158. Seeing old friends
159. Daydreaming
160. Being spontaneous
161. Dave Matthews Band
162. Elvis Costello
163. David Bowie
164. The Beatles
165. Jeff Buckley
166. Gwen Stefani
167. Johnny Cash
168. Tori Amos
169. Duran Duran
170. Rick Springfield
171. The Cars
172. The Police
173. Old Madonna
174. Old Michael Jackson
175. The Brat Pack
176. To Kill a Mockingbird
177. Van Gogh paintings
178. Black and white photos
179. Ann Geddes
180. Steve Carell
181. Flip-flops
182. Capri pants
183. A line dresses
184. Black clothing
185. Curly hair
186. Eye makeup
187. The smell of baby powder
188. Popcorn
189. Pilates
190. Bonfires
191. The smell of fire
192. The smell of gasoline
193. Iced tea
194. Fireplaces
195. Little kids
196. Getting dressed up
197. Feeling sexy
198. Superman
199. Girls who kick ass
200. DILDOS!!

There you have it. If you made it through the whole list, you are either a wonderful, loyal reader or have way too much time on your hands. Either way, thanks.

Here's to another 200 in 2009!

P.S. If you want to visit any of the blogs listed here, they are all on my blogroll. Sorry, I was too lazy to link them all.

Spinning the New Year: Resolutions

Well, 2008 has FINALLY come to an end, and I must admit, I am waving frantically goodbye to it, giving it the finger and screaming "GOOD RIDDANCE!!!" It wasn't the best of years, although I do have to thank 2008 for some really good stuff like my pay raise and especially for bringing me the wonderful world of blogging. But, I am looking forward to 2009 with much anticipation, hoping and praying that it kicks 2008's ass in the good stuff department. I am pretty sure it will, but to help it along, I am participating in Sprite's Keeper's Spin Cycle and coming up with some bad-ass resolutions that if I stick to (God willing), the year will be fabulous. So, here they are, in no particular order. Sorry there are so many, but I really sucked this year so I have to step up my game in 2009:

1. Lose at least 30 pounds by doing the following:

-Not eating everything and anything sweet and delicious in my general vicinity
-Avoiding those evil white carbs that like to cling to me like some annoying kid I never wanted and always resented for ruining my life
-Working out every day with a combination of cardio, weight lifting, yoga, and pilates (and stop making excuses for all the reasons I can't work out, such as work, the kids and I just don't feel like it)
-Drinking more water and less coffee and wine (this one's gonna be hard, but hopefully since 2009 is going to be a lot less stressful, I won't need these vices as much, right?)

2. Get more organized and file away those pesky bills every day that seem to pile up because I like to open them and put them in a pile and tell myself I will put them away later, which always ends up being a month or so later when it turns into a massive heap of paper and a day long project.

3. Really get our finances in order, including paying off all our debt and investing some money, cause you know, we will get old someday and I think those kids of ours might want to go to college.

4. Finish writing the book that I started a few months ago and haven't even looked at since. Don't ask me exactly what it is about, cause I really don't know yet. But I figure if I set aside time every week to work on it, it will eventually take shape on its own. Or it will just suck. Whatever. I'm going to finish it either way.

And finally, my favorite resolution, because it involves making MY life a little easier:

5. Set up a chore chart for Big Boy and REALLY use it! Seriously, it's about time that little mooch started carrying his weight around here and since the government says they will put me in jail if I send him to work in a sweatshop or something, I suppose giving him some chores will have to do. Unfortunately, this is going to call for a lot more of me nagging and reminding him, but I think it's a small price to pay for a little help around here. At least until I get my maid...

So that's it. Those are the things I am going to do to turn 2009 into the best year ever. Hopefully, if everything works out the way I'd like, I am going to end up being a wealthy and famous published writer with a rock hard smokin' bod and a supremely organized filing cabinet.

What more could you want?

Here's to everyone sticking to their resolutions and getting everything they want or need in the new year!

Can I get a WOOT WOOT?

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

May you all have a healthy, happy 2009...

Happy New Year from my family to yours...

MISSION: Monday Sponsors He Blogs, She Blogs Edition 2

Good morning folks! Today is a very special edition of He Blogs, She Blogs, because it is being featured over at Halftime Lessons and Dirty Socks and Pizza for the finale of MISSION: Monday! Jim and I were stoked to be asked to participate by Jay and Deb in the big year-end grand prize giveaway over at their blogs, so if you haven't entered yet, head over there and get in on the action! Just click on the banner below:



And now on to HBSB (which is now the cool, "hip" way to refer to He Blogs, She Blogs--everyone is doing it (if everyone includes me and Jim). Today we have queries from the rockin' daddy, Goodfather, the always fabulous Bee from Bee's Musings, the oh-so-Creative Kerfuffle, and the yo-diggity-Mama Dawg. And now, on with the show...

Goodfather wrote: Dammit, I thought Jim was MY BFF. Sigh. Unrequited BFF-dom.
OK, here's a topic: toilet seat UP or toilet seat DOWN. The spin? How the kids are involved. Go.

I think this problem between men and women has existed since the very first toilet seat was created many years ago by some dude who thought it would be funny to hear a splash and an explitive every time his wife went to the john after him. I must admit that I have had my husband potty trained for years now after many instances of my ass splashing in that cold, disgusting water, usually in the middle of the night when I wasn't paying attention, and I'll tell ya, nothing wakes you up like a startlingly cold, wet poop chute. HOWEVER, we had a new problem when the second dude of the house started using the indoor plumbing, and all of a sudden, I had to start dealing with this issue all over again, not to mention the whole issue of his aim not being what it should be. It seems, no matter what I did, I ended up with a wet bum, because he either forgot to put the seat down and I got an impromptu ass-bath or he would just leave the toilet seat DOWN and kinda lazily aim his little pee-pee in the general direction of the toilet, thus spraying the seat and leaving a nice wet surprise for Mom the next time she sat herself down on the throne. After many heated discussions about how there are girls living in this house that sit down EVERY TIME and that he needs to try to get ALL the pee into the toilet, then put the seat down, I think he finally has it. Almost FIVE. YEARS. LATER.

That's a lot of wet ass...

One of my very favorite bloggers, Bee, from Bee's Musings said: I love your answers!

I have a question for you for sometime.
Why do men (and I mean mine just in case I offend any men) always pretend to listen? I'd be okay if he said "I can't pay attention right now because I'm killing Orcs" then I'd know to tell him later. I tel him and I ask "did you hear me?" and he says yes so I move on. Then we hit deep shit when I find out he didn't actually listen.

Ha ha! Now I'm ticked! :o)

You are so not alone, Bee. I can't tell you how many times I have gotten the nod and the "uh-huh" when I am talking, only to ask him what I just said and he has no idea. My favorite is when he tries to remember a snippet of what I said and makes up something involving one or two words. Nice try, pal. I don't know about other husbands, but I know personally, with mine, I have to make sure that if I want him to retain and/or respond appropriately to anything I have said that I must do one or more of the following:

1. Wait for a commercial break and mute the television

2. Make sure I have complete eye contact and ask "Are you listening?"

3. Preface my statement/question with "This is important, I need you to listen to me right now."

4. After I have spoken, ask for him to repeat what I have said and if he cannot, repeat any or all of the above steps until desired result is achieved.

Otherwise, it's fair game and I know that he may or may not remember what I have said. But, this comes in handy when I want his approval on something that I think he may not be supportive of, so that when he questions that purchase I made, I can say "I asked you if it was OK last week and you nodded and said 'uh-huh'"

Creative Kerfuffle wrote: ok, here's a question for you: do guys want romance the way women want romance? what IS romance to a man?

Ah, romance, one of the ultimate dividers of dudes and chicks. I am really not sure if romance even matters at all to most men, but I know that for me, I can't get enough. I want flowers for no reason, I want to be told I am beautiful on a regular basis and I want candles and rose petals on Valentine's Day. Unfortunately, I think that most men use romance as a way to get women to sleep with them and once we are obligated to sleep with them because of those wedding vows, there is no need. But, personally, I need romance now more than ever because mommyhood has a way of making a woman feel about as sexy as a rock. You want to get me hot and bothered and ready to jump your bones hubster? Whisper some sweet nothings in my ear and tell me you can't get enough of me and I will ride you into the sunset. All the frivolity and sappiness may not do much for men, but the end result is the same--getting laid. So if men were really smart (which we know they are not--sorry guys, you're not when it comes to this), they would humor us and use romance more often and see how much more frequently they get their swerve on. Just sayin'...

And last, but certainly not least, Mama Dawg asked: How do you (the collective you) feel about dating single parents? Granted, IPR, I know you're married and since I'm not sure about Petra (haven't checked her out yet), it's just what you think.

Well, Mama, this happens to be something I know a little bit about. I am married to my husband of four years whom I met seven years ago at a birthday party with his adorable 1-year-old son. Yes, he was a single dad himself and I had absolutely no qualms about dating him (even though I was only 22 years old myself and still in college). For me, I fell in love with his son before I fell in love with him, and it was a no-brainer to continue seeing him. In our case, I just knew, right from the beginning, that there was something special about this man and his little boy. I wasn't even scared away by the psycho ex-girlfriend and baby momma who did everything in her power to erase me from the picture. But, here we are, seven years later, with full custody of my stepson and I wouldn't change a thing. If I hadn't taken a chance all those years ago on that single dad, I wouldn't have the gorgeous family I have today. So I think that answers your question...right?

Well, thanks everyone for joining us for the second installment of He Blogs, She Blogs (or HBSB for the "cool kids"). If you haven't already, head over to Jim's place and read his responses and feel free to drop us a topic suggestion in the comments section of either of our blogs and we will be sure to get to it in the future.

And don't forget to head over to Halftime Lessons or Dirty Socks and Pizza and take advantage of your last chance for the MISSION: Monday grand prize giveaway!

Peace out!

We Drank, We Ate, We Were Merry, Time to Start Again

Well, it's over. Presents were ripped open with reckless abandon, too much food was consumed and too much wine was drunk. But it was fun, it was heartwarming, and most of all, it was what Christmas is supposed to be about--family. And of course, video games, The Littlest Pet Shop and the Poo Poo on the Potty baby doll. I'm pretty sure my kids got everything they asked for, and much, much more. This Christmas, which I foresaw as the saddest little budget conscious Christmas our family has ever experienced, turned out to be big, bold and not even the least bit sad or little. I think we found the spirit of Christmas, that entity that my mom always told me about when I was a wee lass, the force that appeared in December that, somehow, some way, always made Christmas possible, even when no one knew how it could be done.

So here I sit, sick as a dog, trying to catch up on all the work I haven't done this past week. I am tired, throat raw and burning, head spinning and achy. But, surprisingly, I am in a really good mood. I haven't quite figured out why, but I have some inklings. It could be that I look to my right and see the beautiful organizational job I did yesterday with all my daughter's new gifts and the thought of watching her play with them makes me smile. It might be because my stepson is at his mother's for another three days and I get to catch my breath and pretend to be a mom of one for just a little while, only to have him come back and hug me tightly and make me realize how much I missed him. Or, quite possibly, it could be because my husband and I have been screwing like bunnies for two weeks and we seem to have rediscovered a passion and appreciation for one another that has renewed our love for one another.

While all of these things are contributing to my good mood, I am pretty sure the main reason for my feeling of well-being is the new year approaching and a chance for a clean slate and new beginnings. 2008 wasn't the easiest of years. But it brought good, along with the bad, and it taught me about disappointment and loss in a way I had never experienced. It made me appreciate the things I have that are such blessings, and showed me that life is too short to be angry or resentful. I know that 2009 is going to teach me how to be happy, and appreciate having everything I have ever dreamed of, and not to take it for granted. After all, you can't fully be grateful for what you have unless you have been without. So, for that, I am thankful. I am thankful that the universe was wise enough to take away my space, my freedom and my security, so that I may fully appreciate it when it returns. After all, happiness is not the greatest blessing, gratefulness for what you have is.

I urge you all to look around and take stock of what you are grateful for. These things may not make you happy every day, and sometimes they may frustrate you to no end. But, at the end of the day, these things are what make our lives full and rich, and weave the complicated tapestry
that is our life. Your children may drive you crazy and make you pull out your hair, but they give you a reason to get up every morning, and every time they kiss you, hug you or tell you they love you, you realize why God put you on this earth. You may sweat and stress over making your monthly mortgage payment every month, but your home is what keeps you warm and holds your family close to one another every day. And you may hate your job or want to punch your boss in the face, but that job you despise allows you to put food and wine on the table so you may eat, drink and be merry with the ones you love.

Don't forget. Appreciate. Breathe in your life, hold it in and allow it to nourish your heart.

Then repeat.

Merry Christmas--Don't Drink Too Much

Merry Christmas to my incredibly awesome readers. For me, today and tomorrow will be spent trying to keep the children from orbiting into space from hyperactivity and sugar consumption, while simultaneously explaining how Christmas is "not about the hundreds of gifts, but about being with your family." I consider it a successful Christmas if my 8-year-old stepson refrains from tossing aside gifts he doesn't like and asking where the rest of them are. You gotta love the spirit of Christmas.

All joking aside, enjoy your families, enjoy your children and don't drink too much. Enjoy the looks of wonderment and magic on your kids' faces, and the hugs and kisses from all the relatives you haven't seen all year. Most importantly, try to relax, don't think about the mountains of bills awaiting you in 2009 and eat as much as you want. Cause that is what Christmas is all about.

Ho, ho, ho ;)

Spin Cycle: I Heart Superman

For this edition of the Spin Cycle from Sprite's Keeper, I was instructed to supply Jen with a list of the blogs I like to stalk on a regular basis and she would assign me one to use for this assignment. I sent my list along, and anxiously awaited which blog I would be undertaking. When I got the e-mail and opened it to find out I was given CK's Lunchbox, I jumped up and down and did a happy dance because I love Clark Kent, and especially Superman. Oh, and did I mention Lois? Yeah, she's a major hottie and a bangin' journalist to boot. This blog is the bloggy equivalent to a Raspberry Stoli Cosmopolitan with a twist of lime in a frosty glass--practically perfect in every way.

We have hot superhero--CHECK

We have hot alter ego--CHECK

We have hot superhero wife--CHECK

We have adorable children, complete with funny stories and anecdotes--CHECK

And we have an awesome writer who really knows how to satisfy his readers. He's funny, he's interesting and he is not afraid to admit that he is in touch with his feminine side. In a recent post, CK (aka Ron) admitted to some less than machismo attributes that he possesses. First he writes:

"Yes, [sigh]I have man-crushes namely on George Clooney, Daniel Craig, Matt Damon, Hugh Laurie, Robert Sean Leonard, Tom Welling, Scott Foley, Tom Everett Scott and - why am I doing this to myself - Justin Timberlake."

How awesome is it that he not only cops to the man crushes but unashamedly lists them off like it's no big deal to be a dude and have a list of nine men you admire and adore? Total confidence. That's a real man.

Don't get me started on his penchant for decorating or his obsession with Nicholas Sparks' The Notebook. All I am going to say is that I simultaneously want to have a beer with him and go get pedicures with him while chatting about The Lipstick Jungle.

But my absolute favorite posts of CK's are the ones in which he talks about his uber-adorable stepdaughters, Allie and Avery. These two little girls sound like the cutest, smartest, most pretentious kiddos around and he just has a way of describing the things they do and say that makes me snort and guffaw like an idiot. It is obvious he loves these little girls and his willingness to rock out to High School Musical and Hannah Montana proves it. If you haven't read him at all, go here and here and you will know what I mean.

So between the whole superhero thing, and the whole being an awesome, funny, smart, and cool writer/stepdad with an equally awesome, funny, smart, and cool wife, CK brings it on with every blog post and wins my heart over and over again. Here's to you CK! You make my crazy, dildo-loving heart sing.

In tribute to CK and his superhero antics, I will leave you with the coolest Christmas card I got this year, from the one and only Clark Kent and his boys with a cameo from Darth Vader:

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Just try to get that out of your head. I dare ya.

History is Made: The First He Blogs, She Blogs

Well, you guys certainly stepped up to the plate for this one. Jim and I did not have a shortage of topics to choose from for the first He Blogs, She Blogs, and we randomly chose a few of your ideas and will save the others for other editions. Be patient, your topic will be covered. But for today, you can enjoy the male/female blogging perspective as inspired by Cat from Zipbag of Bones, Jen at Sprite's Keeper, Mary Anne from The Stiletto Mom, and Krystal from Mommy's Escape 6.0. So here goes...

Cat wrote: Open marriages. What do we REALLY think about them. Swinging, swapping, whoring - whatever you wanna call it. Are we just animals that wanna get it on as much as possible with whoever we happen to run across? Or are we like lobsters and penguins, unable to find complete satisfaction until we're in a happy, monogamous partnership? How would swinging change that partnership? I must know.

This is a good one, because I have also always wondered about this phenomenon. I don't personally know anyone that does it, but I have seen my fair share of it on television and whatnot. I don't get it. Why get married if you want to sleep around? Personally, the reason I married my husband is because I decided he was the only dude I wanted to get it on with, and that I would prefer him not sleeping with anyone else. That's just me. I can understand the idea of shaking things up a bit and experimenting, cause we all know how much our husband's would appreciate adding a little more estrogen to the party, if you know what I mean (and you all know about my history of dabbling in the hot, sweaty girl-on-girl action, RAWR), but the idea of saying "bye honey, have fun on your date with some other slutty hoe or whomever you happen to pick up at the bar" to my husband as he heads out for the evening somehow cheapens the vows we took at the alter all those years ago. Call me old fashioned...

I say pick one person and call it a day. And if you reach the point where you need to have sex with other people, it might be time for some marriage counseling--or sex toys (more on that later).

Jen said: Interesting! I was working on a post about John's and my parenting styles and how they differ, good cop bad cop issues, but I may need to hold off until I see what comes about with this! My question? Giving in to your kids. How much and why?

I say never give those grubby-handed little mooches anything! Nah, just kidding, but I do think that there is a fine line between giving your kids everything you didn't have and spoiling the shit out of them. Personally, I did have everything (thanks Mom), so I am tempted to try to give my kids everything, but I know that sometimes giving an inch ends up equaling a mile and I try to live by the "everything in moderation" mantra. Yes, I give my kids candy and cookies. No, they cannot eat candy and cookies for breakfast (most of the time, unless mommy is really sick or hungover and can't cook something nutritious--JUST KIDDING). Yes, they get toys and special treats for no reason *occasionally, but not so much that I don't find myself saying "no, we are not buying toys today" ad nauseum when we are out shopping. And, no matter what, neither child is allowed to sleep in our bed because that is something I CANNOT tolerate. Two people is enough for one bed, and my chances of getting lucky (or at least getting spooned) vastly improve when there are no sprawling, kicking munchkins in the marital bed. Structure+realistic expectations+a teeny bit of flexibility=happy kids and parents.

The lovely Mary Ann said: Asking for directions...pro or con?

And I respond with a rousing PRO! I am sorry, but there is nothing that bugs me more than driving in circles when we can stop at a gas station and ask some grease monkey how to get there. However, I must admit that now we have a GPS, this is kind of a moot point.

And last, but certainly not least (especially because she chose my favorite topic of all), Krystal said: Well, of course since you are the goddess of all that is dildos and vibrators - how about talking about that? I would so totally want to know what a guy is thinking about that. LOL!! Especially my honorary big bro!

So we all know how I feel about this. I love dildos. I also love anything that vibrates and enhances, lubricates or tastes yummy. I think that sex toys are a great way to add a little adventure to the bedroom while at the same time making it pretty idiot-proof to make your little sex kitten "purr," if you know what I mean. Let's face it, even the best of the best can't always "hit the spot" or it can take so long that one or both of you say "eh, it's ok, it's just not gonna happen tonight." Add one of my little vibratory (that one's for the Bloggess cause it's her favorite word made up by me) friend and it's straight to the finish line for mommy! And we all know what that means, don't we? Once mommy is happy, daddy can get happy. And then everybody is shiny and happy. How can you go wrong? And since one of my discussions about dildos is never complete without a picture to embarrass my dear friend Joe (Da Old Man), here you go, my vibratory recommendation of the week, the Silver Bullet:


It's versatile, it's portable, it makes me one happy mommy. If you need explanations or suggestions, e-mail me ;)

That's it. The first installment of He Blogs, She Blogs. And I don't know about you but I think it went off without a hitch. Let's keep it going people. Let us know how you feel about it and start thinking of more suggestions.

I can't wait to read what Jim had to say...go check it out!

He Blogs, She Blogs (Wait, "She" Should Be First...JIM!!!!)

As some of you may know, I have a bloggy best friend and it just happens to be a person of the male persuasion (at least he tells me that he is and his pictures look suspiciously masculine, what with the goatee and all...). Before you go all "oooohhh, there must be something going on with those two," let me stop you, first to slap you up the side of the head and tell you to grow up, and then to ease your mind that our relationship is purely platonic; we are both happily married and just HAPPEN to have a lot in common and have a similar sense of humor. We are both writers and appreciate each others' blogs, and enjoy sharing stories and experiences that we both think are hilarious that other people probably don't (so basically, we share a brain and are both familiar with that blank stare that people get when they think you are totally weird and have no idea what you are talking about).

OK, so I guess I will tell you who this person is, now that I have properly built him up, in case you don't know. It's Jim from Irregularly Periodic Ruminations, and if you haven't visited his blog, you MUST, because he is witty and smart and everything he writes makes me laugh till I pee. He also has a rather large female following, of whom were not too happy when he called me his "BFF" in a recent post, so here I will set the record straight. Sorry ladies, he's MY BFF, and you can't have him! No, just kidding...there's plenty of Jim to go around and I am fully willing to share. Kinda.

So in our discussions of the wonders of parenthood, marriage and blogging life, we have come across quite a few areas in which we agree will never be understood by the opposite sex. It never ceases to amaze us how differently men and women view certain things, and how it is nearly impossible for men to understand that we, as women, are ALWAYS RIGHT. Well, Jim has a different viewpoint on that one, but we won't get into that here. So I thought of this great idea (well, OK, fine, JIM thought of the idea, but I wholeheartedly agreed, which set the plan into motion quite nicely) that we should do a feature on our blogs where we each discuss a topic, one from the male point of view and one from the female point of view. After we decided that he would take the male and I would take the female (I put up a fight on this one, because really, women can do anything men can do, even talk about what men think and feel), we also decided that we would leave it up to YOU, our audience, to choose what topics we will discuss. You guys are so freakin' funny and creative that we figured we would get the best suggestions from the people who best know and love us (and probably seek to humiliate us and make us discuss the most uncomfortable topics, because, well, what's funnier than that?) and if we chose our own topics we would probably cop out and choose to write about, oh I don't know, leaving the toilet seat up as opposed to down. (Sorry if that was any of your lame-ass ideas. You're probably a lurker who is too embarrassed to comment anyway, being too afraid that your idea is lame. It is.) Moving on...

So here is your chance. Leave a comment here and/or over at Jim's blog telling us what you would like us to write about from the male/female perspective. Jim and I will choose a day next week to "unveil" our posts, choosing either a variety of questions of yours to answer, or if we sense a theme, we will write about one main topic. We will not show each other our posts, and you will be able to see firsthand the similarities and differences between us. I am sure that both posts are going to rock your world, however different or the same. Maybe we will even shed some light on the Mars/Venus debate; but in the very least, I am sure we will make you laugh (at or with us).

Be creative and don't hold back. If this works, you can join us periodically for He Blogs, She Blogs (order of "He" and "She" still a matter of debate) and start a long tradition of figuring out this whole thing we call the battle of the sexes--BLOGGITY STYLE!