The Best Present

Last spring, Mountain Man started building a new barn for me. He got the stalls built and the rest of the barn framed and then went to work on other (paying) projects. Now, he's back working on our barn finishing what he can before the snow starts flying. It won't be finished this year but I thought you'd like to see how it is progressing.

When you look at the pictures, keep in mind that Mountain Man has done EVERYTHING by himself (no help at all) including lifting all the steel on the roof, lifting all the walls, etc. Also, all the lumber (except the OSB board) has come from our timber and been cut and planed and finished by Mountain Man. It's been incredible watching him work. He struggles into the house at sunset aching and tired but then he gets up the next morning and is hard at work again.

Here's a retrospective in pictures.

First, we select the site. The horses are going to have about 25 acres of pasture and prime mountain views. I sure wish our house had the same views!

Then, Mountain Man starts on the stalls.

First up is framing the walls.

Next, with the help of our excavator and our tractor, he lifts and holds the walls into place.

In the morning, he stops to admire all the work he has done.

Mountain Man completed our three stalls and for the longest time our barn looked like this. Everyone who came by kind of wondered what the heck we were doing but I didn't care.
This summer, as I grew more confident in caring for my horses, I realized I wasn't going to use the stalls anyway. The horses were healthier and happier out in the pasture and had no interest in spending time in lock down but they needed shelter so Mountain Man whipped up a run in shed for me.
But with winter coming, Mountain Man wanted to get back to work on the barn. He started off by getting the other side ready. This side is going to have a giant tack room for me and another stall.
Drainage became an issue so Mountain Man got busy digging trenches and laying pipes to carry water away from the barn.
He followed the same procedure lifting the walls on the other side with the tractor and excavator. And, piece by piece, he lifts the metal onto the roof. While he is up on the roof, he gets the idea that I might enjoy having a huge cupola surrounded by windows; a place where I can go to read a book, do some writing and enjoy 365 degree views. He envisions it as a private sanctuary for me so he starts framing it. You can see part of it in this picture.
Here is our barn as it stands for the moment. I can't get used to seeing walls where for so long I've only seen framing. It's going to have lots of windows too but for the moment the window holes on my tack room are boarded up.
We're also putting in permanent fencing although the horses haven't even attempted to get near the electric fence. I think I'm more scared of it than they are.

Maybe some women wouldn't even want a barn with old smelly horses but this has been my life long dream. And, even though he himself doesn't understand why people would want to ride a horse when there are good old tractors out there, with every nail he has hammered, every piece of lumber he has planed, Mountain Man has thought only of how to please me with this barn.

I could share many other pictures I have of him hanging precariously off the roof, getting stuck deep in the mud digging out the foundation and struggling as he builds the barn but I could never even begin to express how much I appreciate this gift of the heart he is giving to me.

Thank you Mountain Man.

Christmas Gift Idea

This weekend, I was thinking about the economy and the upcoming holidays. I know money is tight for most of us and we are scratching our heads about Christmas gifts. I also thought about the talents of our fellow bloggers.

Many of my blogging friends have Etsy shops or sell fantastic homemade goods on their blogs. And, we have authors as well. Karen Zemek is one that comes readily to mind.

I thought it would be nice to showcase items made by fellow bloggers on my blog in a holiday shopping post next week and then leave the links on my sidebar. By doing so, I would hope to provide more alternatives to shopping than just running to the local mall. And, it would be great if we could support our blogging friends.

If you would like me to include your products, please email me at MountainWomanatgmaildotcom.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday!

Journey to the Top of Red Pine Mountain

I have been going through some changes these past couple of weeks. I'm going to be blogging a little less, writing a little more (finally the idea for my novel has come to life in my mind) and, as always, seeking balance in my life. I know I have been remiss in picking up the awards you have given me and I will be acknowledging your kindness on my blog in the very near future.

Mountain Man is shelling up our new barn before the winter snows make outdoor work difficult and I've been trying to adjust to the days where darkness falls at 4:00 p.m. and the cold is penetrating my body every time I step outside.

I'm sharing with you today a story I wrote at the beginning of the month when I ventured to the top of Red Pine Mountain for the last time this fall.

Woods Walk

There was a full moon and a hard frost last night. The leaves are finally down from the trees and I wanted to hike to the top of Red Pine Mountain. The last time I was there, I was surrounded in a canopy of color and I am anxious to see how the scenery has changed.

The two shepherds join me and we decide to take the long way around our mountain to enjoy the rare November sunshine.

As we cross streams, the dogs stop to drink icy water and I listen to the sound of water rushing down the mountainside and my soul is soothed.

We continue on deep into our woods where there is an old cemetery forgotten by time. The carving on the headstones has almost disappeared with the ravages of the many winters yet the graves are still standing. I wonder about the people who lived on this land before me and my heart contracts as I see the many tiny headstones standing as a testament to a time when life was intertwined with death. The dogs are quiet by my side as I say silent, heartfelt prayers for these early settlers of Vermont.

We continue on our journey. The dogs’ paws make crackling sounds as they joyously bound ahead over the golden leaves which cover our path. Their enthusiasm is contagious and I am filled with their love of life.

It’s steep now and no longer a real path; just overgrown brush. The dogs walk carefully in single file. I need do nothing except follow them.

We are at the top of Red Pine Mountain and the world falls away below us.

I am in awe.

We stay for awhile. The dogs play fight, stopping now and then to sniff under a fallen log, searching for treasures known only to them. I am still, lost in thoughts of my new life on this remote mountain. The wind lifts fallen leaves and they swirl around me.

I am humbled by the majesty of my surroundings and I am reminded that I am only a steward of the land, holding it in trust for future generations.

The sun is starting to set yet I am reluctant to break the spell which has fallen over me. I finally call to the dogs and we begin our steep descent. With each step, I stop to admire small things, seemingly inconsequential but exquisite in their own right; the one leaf left on a tree, the ferns now frozen until next spring.

Our farm lies in the valley. We’re almost there. I can see it now. Smoke is swirling from the chimney, the horses are in their pasture and the dogs left behind are barking a greeting. The familiar embraces me.

I am home.

My Struggles

This is the day which the LORD has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118, Verse 24)

I strive to rejoice and be glad every day but sometimes life is fraught with struggles and rejoicing is not easy. I’d like to share my struggles this past winter.

In December of last year, Mountain Man, the six dogs and I left Vermont for a rural area in a warmer climate. It seemed like a good plan. We would escape the harsh winter and get to know a different part of the country hopefully furthering along our plan to leave Vermont some day. We purchased a ramshackle old farmhouse with the intention of fixing it up and selling it. We left on our adventure with high hopes and even higher expectations but once we arrived the reality was quite different.

I was shocked to see the poverty that exists in some of our rural areas and I learned that there are very limited opportunities as well. Not only are jobs practically non-existent but amenities we take for granted don’t exist.

I discovered internet service was one of the amenities I could no longer take for granted. I had known I’d be using dial up but when I spoke with the local phone company, I discovered “online” time was charged as data usage and there would be a fee of 10 cents for every minute I spent online. That’s quite a high fee in an area where people struggle to put food on the table.

There was no cable service so I tried to get satellite internet installed. Yes, the company would be happy to sell me satellite service but the problem was there were no certified installers in my area and no, I could not install it myself.

Next, I tried to get wireless internet through the cell phone company. I took the gadget home but quickly discovered there were no towers in my area. We bought signal boosters and everything else the company suggested. We drove around back roads, through our fields, all searching for an elusive signal but we never found one strong enough. The equipment was returned.

For me, an internet junkie who lives for email and connecting with friends, this loss of access was a hard blow.

Then, there was the weather. Although we were in an area where it did get cold, the cold was not supposed to be the same as the subzero weather of Vermont winters. I had expected to spend my time outside with the dogs while Mountain Man worked on the house but day after day of freezing rain, snow, blizzards and storms covered our world in ice that made it dangerous to leave the house. The house was torn apart, filthy, and inhabited by creatures in the walls. Mountain Man was working at a feverish pace on the remodeling but I was in his way, the dogs were in his way and while we tried to negotiate a middle ground, I fell into a deep depression.

I was away from everything I knew and my life as I had known it had disappeared. It was almost as if a wall of darkness had fallen throughout my mind. Everything became distorted and difficult.

I still had one thing I was eagerly anticipating. I had signed up for an online writing course through a university. There within a supportive workshop group, I could hone my craft or at least I thought that was the case. I soon learned that there exists in some of the world of academia, a level of snobbery not usually encountered in my every day life. Fueled by this prejudice, I became very angry and as my anger deepened so did the fog upon my mind.

And then there were neighbor issues that involved a particularly acrimonious divorce.

All these events added up to the chaos that was now my life and I kept spiraling downwards. Each morning as I awoke and looked at the beautiful world, I thanked God for all my blessings but my thanks felt hollow. I struggled to find a balance but in my skewered perception the negatives were overwhelming the positives. Soon, my relationship with Mountain Man was showing the effects of my unhappiness. He bent over backwards trying to find some way to reach me but I was locked away in my painful world. I turned to prayer more than ever before and it was in God’s word I found solace.

I clung to verses such as: Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”

I couldn’t live with myself and the person I was becoming. I knew I had to make some changes. I read Philippians 4:13 and took the words to heart. “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

First and foremost I had to repair my relationship with Mountain Man. We sat down, had a long talk and discussed openly all the problems we were having. Our discussion had the effect of renewing our commitment to each other and the relationship. We emerged a stronger couple.

I realized my anger about my writing class was counterproductive. I let it go and when I did, I found my voice and produced some of the finest writing I have ever done. I also realized that when I allow another person’s opinion of my abilities to stand as validation, I emerge the loser. Don’t allow anyone to dissuade you from following your dreams.

I also realized how privileged we are and that not all of our country has the opportunities and standard of living so many of us take for granted.

I understand now how terrible it is to be locked into a dark place in your mind. My heart goes out to those struggling with depression every day and I cringe when I think of well meaning people who tell the depressed to just get over it. Would it were that simple.

I hope my experiences this past winter have deepened my compassion and renewed my thankfulness for all that I have in my life.

All of life is a learning experience and where ever we are at a given moment in time is where we are meant to be. I believe last winter’s struggles were all a part of God’s plan to make me a more aware, sentient human being and for the experiences in my life I give thanks.

Shades of Gray

It's a gray day here in Vermont. The clouds have settled in and a fine mist is falling. Perhaps the best idea might be to grab a cup of hot chocolate and read a good book by the warmth of the fire but as inviting as that idea might seem, I long to be out in the woods. The dogs seem unwilling to stir themselves from their beds by the wood stove. I reach for my boots and Lilly is immediately by my side. We start off on our solitary journey.

The forest seems enchanted with the mists that swirl around us. Everything is so still, so quiet. There is an air of expectancy all around us as the seasons change once again. I think about the snow that will soon obliterate our trails.

We come upon a doe. She is startled to see us yet she does not run. I speak to her softly and Lilly remains silent by my side. The doe acknowledges our presence and holds our gaze. Suddenly, with a flick of her tail, she turns and goes bounding deeper into the woods.

I am enjoying the tranquility which comes through quiet reflection but on Saturday the peacefulness of my surroundings will be no more because it is the beginning of rifle season.

I have struggled with the issue of hunting, trying to understand. I listen to stories about the beauty of the sport; how difficult it is to shoot a deer, the skill and art involved in managing to take one. I have also spent many years of my life nurturing animals, working with rescues and strays and rehabilitating animals to live in peace with humans. I struggle to remain open minded and fair.

I listen to the arguments for thinning the deer herd because left unchecked they will breed and overrun the land. Mountain Man tells me if it is a harsh winter and hunters do not take enough deer, the remaining herd will starve as they search for food. I think about how horrible it would be to die hungry in a frozen snow bank.

I hear the compelling argument of families who rely on deer meat to feed their hungry families. Without venison, there would not be enough meat for winter when costs are so high and food budgets are stretched to the breaking point.

And I am not innocent in this matter either. I am a meat eater. No, I don't go out and hunt but animals are dying to feed me. My dogs are carnivores as well.

Lilly and I approach a meadow. She slows and I follow her gaze. A flock of deer are at hand. They are so beautiful, so graceful as they wander through the field. They are unconcerned by our appearance as if they know we mean them no harm.

Starting Saturday, we will not leave our house, the dogs and I. We will not wander into the woods we so love and I will cower each time I hear a gunshot and hope that one of the beautiful creatures I saw today is not dead.

There was a time when life was so simple. There was wrong and there was right, yes or no, daylight or moonlight. But, I've matured and as I've done so I realize that just as the sky that surrounds us today, there are shades of gray.

My Faith

I originally started my blog to share my life with readers, not only the day to day activities on our farm but the events that have shaped me into the person I am today at age 54. I wanted to share my faith as well, my belief that through God all things are possible and my belief that all things can be solved with prayer and prayerful thought. I have tried to give examples where God has blessed me and rescued me in my days of deepest despair. I have also wanted to write about my strong belief that if we develop an attitude of thankfulness, we will become filled with the Holy Spirit and be able to move mountains within our world one small pebble at a time.

As I have mentioned many times, I start every morning with a prayer of thanks to God and throughout the day, I stop and take time to count my blessings. I struggle, I fall but I pick myself up and try again. I try to understand those with differing views and I try to be tolerant and inclusive as well. I seek to know a man’s/woman’s heart and yes, I do try to look for the good in everyone. We have all traveled many different paths yet our humanity binds us with unbreakable ties.

I closed my post on Proposition 8 by mentioning I am a Christian and I did so because I believe Christians are getting lots of bad press these days. There are many different denominations within the Christian faith. Some are liberal and some are conservative. And, yes, these different denominations do interpret the Bible differently.

I was asked on what basis I consider myself a Christian and this is my statement of faith: The Apostle’s Creed as written below:

I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
the Creator of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord:

Who was conceived of the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried.

He descended into hell.

The third day He arose again from the dead.

He ascended into heaven
and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty,
whence He shall come to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and life everlasting.

Amen.

I don’t follow the Bible literally and I make no profession about being a Christian scholar nor do I consider myself a model Christian but I do take great comfort in Jesus’ message of love and forgiveness. I am a Christian because I find solace in the message of eternal life and of world without end. I am a Christian because I find joy and hope and love in Jesus. I am a Christian because to me there is nothing more beautiful than faith, belief in that which you know to be true yet you can't actually see, faith that allows you to grow and become more than you ever thought possible.

I pray every day that I am seeking God, I strive to know my Savior and I try to live a life that in some slight, insignificant way reflects His word and that is why I will continue to be an activist on those issues that to me represent social injustice.

Why 8?

When it comes to children, I am ferociously conservative. I believe in firm boundaries, loving guidance and, of course, strong families. It is no easy task to raise a responsible, healthy, happy child. It requires self sacrifice and commitment.

My ideal world would have children raised in homes where the parents themselves are a strong unit and each of them in turn gives of their strength to their children within a loving home. That said, why does the legal definition of family in 2008 automatically mean a man and a woman? Because it did in the past? Does that not negate the many gay families who adopt children every day and who live together in committed, yet not legally sanctioned unions? Why are we denying their children the right to grow up in a home where their parents are married? Don't we want our children to have strong, family centered homes?

"To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, until death us do part." Think about those words and the commitment behind those words. If you are willing to stand up with your partner and say those words, don't you think you should be allowed that choice?

Why would we deny the joy of marriage to an entire segment of our population? Why would we deny our children the right to be raised by loving, legally married parents? Why deny the legal benefits of marriage (and divorce) to people just because they are of the same sex?

I envision a society where every day we move towards inclusion, where our differences become our strengths and our children are allowed to grow up without any stigmas attached to their parents. Strong families, strong children.

I know many of you disagree and I'd love to hear your arguments. I welcome discourse on this subject both negative and positive.

And once again, I do consider myself a Christian but I don't view Christianity as an exclusive club. I view it as a religion of tolerance, love and acceptance.