The Hawg's gift to the world

As I've mentioned here before, I turn 40-years-old in June and I'm mad about it.

I figure I'm angry for the reason most people about to enter middle age are irate. Yes, I haven't achieved much of anything in my 40 years on this earth in spite of having some potential and too much education.

Ah, but I vow to achieve greatness on my 40th birthday. How? I, The Hawg, hereby swear to either develop a new interjection or modify one that's fallen out of vogue and inflict it on the world!

I initially thought a new obscenity would be good and that might be just the thing for people who want to yell something while angry but are bored with the limitations of the English language. However, my new interjection doesn't have to be obscene -- it merely has to be something unique that angry people can yell when frustrated. One that sums up an emotional state in a scant few syllables and makes all who utter it feel a little better.

I figure on assembling a team of people who are given to getting angry and yelling things. That team will help me develop the perfect interjection. I've already enlisted the support of a foul-mouthed fellow at my office and my brother (a redhead, and we know how mad they get, right?) More team members are sure to follow in the weeks to come.

What kind of interjection will my crack team develop? Will it be something so foul that a kid can utter it in school and get thrown out for a year? Will it be an anglicized version of some particularly nasty German curse? Will it not be profane at all and merely be an old chestnut that has fallen out of favor and needs to be reintroduced?

The sky's the limit here, so who knows what we'll come up with over the next few months? The only rule my crack team of interjection experts will have to follow is that it can't be blasphemous. Hey, I'm a Methodist and blasphemy just isn't cool.

My birthday is June 16, so I figure on introducing my anger-relieving interjection at that time (I'll be so mad when that cursed 40th birthday arrives that I may use my new word all day long). Stay tuned. I'm sure we'll come up with something that will catch on quick and sweep the planet.

Putting pressure on IHOP

I recently got an e-mail from a lady by the name of Rachel Thompsen who has started a blog called Bring Back Boysenberry.

Yes, I've been irate at IHOP for some time because of the fact that company's restaurants don't carry wonderful, wonderful boysenberry syrup here in central Arkansas. I fired off an e-mail a few months ago griping about the lack of boysenberry syrup, and received a note from IHOP that local managers could choose whether or not to carry boysenberry syrup.

That fact didn't help me a bit, of course, so my brother sent me a gallon of boysenberry syrup for Christmas. I became complacent and, indeed, didn't care that the rest of the boysenberry fans in the world were having to choke down IHOP pancakes covered in syrup flavored with maple, blueberry, strawberry or something else that pales in comparison to the magical flavor of boysenberry.

So I'm glad to see that Ms. Thompsen has started her blog and I'd encourage all you disgruntled boysenberry fans in the world to go visit it. You can even sign a petition over there calling for the return of boysenberry. I had trouble getting my signature to take on the petition on the blog, but I had more luck going directly to the petition located right here. I'm not sure if there's something wrong on the blog or the fact that I'm using a computer equipped with junky Windows prevented the "blog based" petition from working.

Here's the thing about IHOP. That e-mail suggesting that local managers can determine whether boysenberry syrup is carried in restaurants is a bunch of bureaucratic nonsense. It's all buck passing and blame shifting, really.

IHOP corporate certainly has the authority to force local stores to carry boysenberry. An outraged public could make them do just that. Give them hell, folks.

Top Entrecard droppers for December

Yes, it's time once again to list the Top 10 Entrecard droppers.

I try to do this every month as I do appreciate consistent visits to The Natural State Hawg and it appears that a heck of a lot of folks have chosen to stop buy here daily. Thanks, folks!

So, without further ado, here are the Top 10 Entrecard droppers for the month of December:

1. Faris Fakri
2. The Junk Drawer
3. Mr Soleh’s Outburst
4. MJG's Rambling Thoughts
5. Programming Made Easy
6. Rants, Thoughts, and Other Things
7. Communication Exchange
8. Everything Under the Sun
9. My World in My Own Word
10. The Way I See It

Thanks, folks!

...and that's when I realized I am old

It's sad but true -- I, The Hawg, turn 40-years-old in June.

I've been mad about that since I turned 39-years-old, but the significance of being on the edge of middle age hit me right in the head earlier this week. Here's what happened.

We purchased a copy of Activision's Guitar Hero for our Nintendo Wii for Christmas. My 12-year-old son raves about it. Says it's a great game and a true classic. Yes, he was able to play along with "Rock n' Roll All Nite" by KISS and rock along to a ton of songs.

He said I just had to try it. I did. Guitar Hero sucks. I picked up that nasty copy of a Gibson Les Paul and had absolutely no fun with the game. I barely made it through the tutorial before I realized it was no fun and the actual game is worse.

There are three reasons for this, I think. For one thing, I actually play guitar and I can tell you that fooling around with Guitar Hero is a poor substitute for picking up my Fender Deluxe Stratocaster, plugging into an amplifier and actually banging out a song or two.

And, yes, that's my Strat in the picture. Ah, what a beauty. She originally came with three Fender Tex-Mex pickups, but the one on the bridge was replaced with one of those thin, humbucking pickups so the guitar sounds extra angry when needed.

That's another matter entirely, of course. The point is I might hate Guitar Hero because I almost sometimes kind of know what I'm doing when I have a real guitar in my hands.

Second, it could just be that I'm getting old and still miss the good old days when playing a video game meant hooking an Atari 2600 to a television set and controlling all the action with a joystick and one fire button. That blasted Guitar Hero controller is sophisticated by comparison and I hate the game too much to sit down and mess with it until I get good at it.

No, such things are for kids, I think. My parents really didn't "get" my Atari games and I suppose I don't get a lot of the games my kids enjoy. It's all come full circle, I think.

Third, it could be that Guitar Hero just feels too much like work. Do you know what you call putting out a lot of effort to do something you'd rather not be doing? You call that a job. I've got a job and I have absolutely no interest in doing something that feels like work but provides me with no income (keep those "why are you blogging, then?" comments to yourselves).

Perhaps I can illustrate my final point with a few games I've come up with that should appeal to people who think that Guitar Hero and labor-intensive games like it are actually fun.

1. Bailout! Harrr, matey! You be a pirate on the high seas and your ship has been attacked by those lily livered lackeys hired by the queen. They put a hole in your ship and it's your job to grab a bucket and bail, bail, bail in order to stay afloat. The game comes with an exclusive bucket controller and features a soundtrack full of sea shanties. Avast!

2. TaxStar. Yes, it's tax season once again and you work for H&M Circle, the largest tax accountant in the country. Find those loopholes, record those deductions and get the maximum rebate for your customers. Can you beat out other tax preparers in your office and receive the coveted Employee of the Month trophy? The game comes with a keyboard controller and the latest copy of the tax code.

3. Sisyphus! Remember Sisyphus from Greek mythology? He was the fellow who was condemned for all eternity to push a stone up a hill, only to have the stone roll down the hill so poor Sisyphus could begin his trek once again. In this game, you assume the role of Sisyphus. There's no way to win and the game never changes a bit. Comes with a special rock controller and an incline. Because of the special equipment involved, the game costs $500 but it's well worth it.

4. COBOL Programmer Plus. Yes indeed! Your task is to write COBOL programs of increasing in complexity. After you write a program, you get to compile your code, watch it fail, chase out the bugs, compile it again and hope it works. Yes, it's all program, compile, run, debug, recompile and repeat until you go insane. Comes with that keyboard controller that can also be used for TaxStar, the Let's Go Cobol programming manual, a carton of unfiltered cigarettes and plenty of things to throw to relieve frustration. It's fun for minutes!

I predict any of those games could be a big hit, given my experience with Guitar Hero. Look for them in a store near you in time for Christmas 2009.

Looks like the answer is Direct TV every time

So I went over to this site called My TV Options in hopes of seeing what television options are available here in scenic Benton, Ark.

When I got to the site, I was given a small survey to fill out in hopes of finding what service best suits my needs. The result? Well, it seems that DirectTV -- the satellite provider -- is the ideal service for me.

I filled out the survey again and answered the questions differently. The results? Why, it was direct tv again! I filled it out again and got matched up with directtv once more.

See a trend here? Of course you do. Hey, I've been a Dish Network customer for years and noticed that nothing but Direct TV is represented on the site. All the resources and the phone numbers necessary to subscribe point to Direct TV.

I do like the theory behind this site -- anyone from anywhere can punch in their zip code, rank their needs and take a look at which television service providers will suit them best. Hopefully, the site will expand and provide a comprehensive look at all providers in most areas.

Still, this site is headed in the right direction, I suppose. Cable sucks and anything that points people away from those dinosaurs is appreciated.

The Hawg is a New Year's Scrooge

Yeah. That's right. I, The Hawg, don't care one whit for New Year's Eve, New Year's Day or any of that rot.

What did I do on that nothing of a holiday? I went to bed early on New Year's Eve, slept late the next morning, watched a little football and helped my wife put away Christmas ornaments.

I ended New Year's Day by watching my 140-pound monster of a dog wander over and drink half of my red cream soda (once he stuck his huge tongue in the glass, I figured there was no point in running him off -- I didn't want it, so why not let the dog have his fun?) There's some symbolism there, I'm sure.

I figure that New Year's is a holiday for people in their 20s, anyway, and one of those things that doesn't have much meaning for those of us pushing 40-years-old and raising kids.

Oh, there was a time when I'd go out on New Year's Eve and drag home sometime in mid-February or March. Yes, there was much revelry and carousing back then, but you can't run around like a moron when you've got a wife and kids, can you? No, those days are over and I'm left with a pitiful one day off from work and the sad task of taking down Christmas decorations.

They've even deprived me of my New Year's Day bowl games. Remember when the biggest college football game of the year was played on New Year's Day? They don't do that anymore -- the BCS knotheads decided to move the championship to some other day, thus depriving us Americans of yet another holiday tradition.

Phooey on them.

And phooey on New Year's, a day that marks the end of the holiday season and the beginning of things getting back to normal. After Christmas -- the super bowl of holidays and my favorite time of year -- New Year's is incredibly anticlimactic.

Bah, humbug!

Not actively looking for a job but hoping that a good one comes along?

Over the past couple of years, we've seen a lot of social networking sites pop up that help professionals get in touch with each other.

Climber.com is one of those, but it's set up for passive job searches. In other words, Climber.com is a site to join when you've got a job but wouldn't mind finding some other opportunities out there.

The site offers anonymous networking and lists jobs only when ones show up that match up with members' skills and needs. Those skills and needs are identified through an assessment process and an in depth profile.

The "anonymous" feature of the site seems very valuable these days. A lot of people are nervous enough about their jobs and aren't inclined to risk what they have by searching for something else. Yes, if word got back to their employers that they were searching for work, that could be bad in this economy -- a lot of people are looking for jobs and getting rid of employees deemed "not loyal" is a relatively easy task right now.

Membership is free, so why not give the site a look?

Apparently, they've lost their minds in Denver

Well, read all about it right here -- the Denver Broncos have fired head coach Mike Shanahan.

Yes, that makes a lot of sense. After all, Shanahan hasn't achieved much -- just a couple of Super Bowl championships and a record of 130-78 over the past 14 years. That, by the way, is a winning percentage of .625, second in Broncos franchise history to Red Miller who was coach from 1977 to 1980 and compiled a winning percentage of .640.

And Shanahan's only installed one of the most potent running games in the country at a team that was notoriously inept at rushing prior to his arrival.

What did Shanahan do wrong? Apparently, missing the championships with an 8-8 record this season got him canned. Of course, it's a bit rare when the Broncos aren't in the playoffs these days and Shanahan had to deal with a slew of injuries throughout the season, but that doesn't matter much, seemingly.

Denver has canned the best coach the team has had. Period. They'll regret that decision, as will we longtime Broncos fans out there. God only knows who Denver will drag up to replace Shanahan. I shudder to think. Is there any available coach out there who will be an improvement over Shanahan? That's doubtful.

Now, I'm well aware that Broncos fans go nuts over football. Let's go back to the 1990 season for a minute. Of course, Denver got killed by San Francisco in the 1990 Super Bowl and the team simply struggled when the regular season began in the fall.

How did fans react? One lady at a home game in Mile High Stadium sprayed a bunch of opposing fans with Mace as Denver was losing. Another Denver resident, distraught after a home loss, went back to his house after the game, held his wife and kids at gunpoint and ranted for awhile until he surrendered to the police. A radio sports announcer in Denver swore he'd broadcast from on top of a billboard until Denver won a game. He was up there for a few weeks in the miserably cold Denver weather.

There's no doubt there was a lot of pressure on Denver's ownership to make a change, considering how hardcore Broncos fans tend to be. Still, firing Shanahan -- the only coach in the team's history to bring a Super Bowl title to Denver -- is a bonehead move and one team owner Pat Bowlen will regret. You're an idiot, Bowlen, and you're setting your team up to be the NFL's whipping boy next year.

If I hadn't been a Bronco's fan for over 30 years, I'd say Bowlen and his team are about to get what they deserve.

The Hawg makes a New Year's resolution!

Well, it's time to make some New Year's resolutions, isn't it?

I, The Hawg, have a great one this year -- I pledge to get back into the old Christmas shopping habits my wife and I had in the past. Let me explain.

Just a few years ago, my wife and I were perpetually struggling with finances and shopped for Christmas presents through the year out of necessity. We figured it was just too hard to come up with a huge chunk of cash right before Christmas, so we'd spread our shopping out through the year.

That made things easy. If, for example, I saw the perfect movie for my dad in the middle of July, we'd buy it and stick it in a drawer. By the time December rolled around, then, the overwhelming majority of our Christmas shopping was done so we had the luxury of kicking back, enjoying the holiday season and let other people go through the agony of shopping right before Christmas.

We've fallen out of that habit a bit and the result was that Christmas came and went very quickly, leaving us with little time to enjoy holiday movies, goof off and look at lights and etc. Money's not as much of an issue as it used to be, so we put off a lot of shopping until the last minute.

Oh, we did get about half of our shopping done before December, but it wasn't enough to avoid crowds, rushing around right before Christmas and all of the other stuff we used to be able to avoid.

Christmas is my favorite holiday and I feel more than a bit robbed. It's time to get back on track.

Oh, and I figure on buying that kick butt guitar amp I've always wanted in 2009, too. I can't figure out if that's a New Year's resolution or a selfish desire, however.

Time for some New Year's resolutions?

For whatever reason, a new year begins and people start making resolutions.

Yes, they'll promise to get rid of bad habits and live better lives. That can be a good thing, particularly if we're talking about someone vowing to seek drug treatment, go through alcohol rehab or seek help with some other addiction.

As I've mentioned a few times, I used to make a living as a lawyer and saw various addictions ruin marriages, lead to criminal conduct and pave the way toward all sorts of misery. Seeking help through treatment centers is, quite often, just the thing people need to turn their lives around.

Finding help with addictions is, like most things these days, easy thanks to the Internet. A visit to Treatment-Centers.net is a very convenient way to find centers in your area.

If you're going to make some life-changing resolutions for the new year, good for you. For those that need some help combating addictions, that assistance is just a few keystrokes away.