Here are some nice Dilbert’s one liners..:

1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.

2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.

3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

4. Work is fine if it doesn’t take too much of your time.

5. When everything comes in your way you’re in the wrong lane.

6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..

7. Born free, taxed to death.

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You are you…

You are strong…
when you take your grief and teach it to smile.

You are brave…
when you overcome your fear and help others to do the same.

You are happy…
when you see a flower and are thankful for the blessing.

You are loving…
when your own pain does not blind you to the pain of others.

You are wise…
when you know the limits of your wisdom.

You are true…
when you admit there are times you fool yourself.

You are alive…
when tomorrow’s hope means more to you than yesterday’s mistake.

You are growing…
when you know what you are but not what you will become.

You are free…
when you are in control of yourself and do not wish to control others.

You are honorable…
when you find your honor is to honor others.

You are generous…
when you can take as sweetly as you can give.

You are humble…
when you do not know how humble you are.

You are thoughtful…
when you see me just as I am and treat me just as you are.

You are merciful…
when you forgive in others the faults you condemn in yourself.

You are beautiful…
when you don’t need a mirror to tell you.

You are rich…
when you never need more than what you have.

You are you…
when you are at peace with who you are not.

Technorati Tags: Jokes

Don’t eat fruits immediately:
Immediately eating fruits after meals will cause stomach to be bloated with air. Therefore take fruit 1-2 hr after meal or 1hr before  meal.

Don’t drink tea:
Because tea leaves contain a high content of acid. This substance will cause the Protein content in the food we consume to be hardened thus difficult to digest.

Don’t smoke:
Experiment from experts proves that smoking a cigarette after meal is comparable to smoking 10 cigarettes (chances of   cancer is higher).

Don’t loosen your belt:
- Loosening the belt after a meal will easily cause the intestine to be twisted & blocked.

Don’t bath:
Bathing after meal will cause the increase of blood flow to the hands, legs & body thus the amount of blood around the stomach will therefore decrease.  This will weaken the digestive system in our stomach.

Don’t walk about:
People always say that after a meal walk a hundred steps and you will live till 99. In actual fact this is not true. Walking will cause the digestive system to be unable to absorb the nutrition from the food we intake.

Don’t sleep immediately:
The food we intake will not be able to digest properly. Thus will lead to gastric & infection in our intestine.

01) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
02) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
03) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
04) MEOW occasionally.
05) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: ‘You’re one of THEM’ - and back away slowly
06) SAY -DING at each floor.
07) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
08) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: ‘I have new socks on.’
09) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: ‘Is that your beeper?’
10) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
11) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: ‘This is my personal space.’
12) WHEN there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn’t you.
13) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
14) HOLD the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say ‘Hi Greg, How’s your day been?’
15) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: ‘That’s mine!’
16) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
17) SWAT at flies that don’t exist.
18) CALL out ‘Group hug’ then enforce it.
19) PASS wind
20) SPEAK into a mobile phone and say, ‘Yeah, the doctor said it was very contagious’