Canucklehead.ca

Yes, I know what you're thinking - but Canucklehead - you're Canadian. If you're looking for an argument on this point then I'm afraid you've come to the wrong place. That being said, even though my turkey has been well digested by now, I've decided to recognize the Thanksgiving of my southern neighbours for two reasons:

1) 67.4% of my readers live in the U.S. (or the ObamaNation as I've taken to calling it.)

2) They get NFL games on theirs - and man, I do love me some football!

In honour of this occasion, I would like to present what I believe is one of the greatest two minutes in television history ... from one of my all-time faves, W.K.R.P in Cincinnati:

"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!!!" 

Oddly enough, this famous WKRP episode was loosely based on a real event! Back in 1946 (some sources say 1945), Yellville, Arkansas inaugurated the "Turkey Trot Festival" which included a wild turkey calling contest, a turkey target shoot, a Miss Drumsticks Pageant and oh yeah: a live turkey release from the roof of the courthouse. After a few years, someone thought it might be fun to actually toss the poor gobblers out of a low-flying airplane for the event. This repeated for a number of years until 1989 when a national animal-rights protest cast the event in a bad light and the "National Enquirer" splashed a photo of the event across the nation forcing promoters to abandon the turkey drop.

Now go get your turkey on! CHEERS!

Man ... we had some good times together; traveling, long walks - good times. Through all sorts of weather and moods you were always there for me. I guess its fair to say that you'll never know how much I'm going to miss you. I occasionally thought that you were the only one who truly understood me. Even though I've moved on now .... well, I'll always love you! Those of you who have followed my blog for a while likely already know who I'm talking about ... I'm afraid its true .... BIG GREEN.

R.I.P BIG GREEN (2004 - 2008)

Its common knowledge that he was sick towards the end - real sick. In fact he's be sick for so long I hate to say it almost comes as a relief. I often joke that he was only held together with a combination of electrical tape and well, actually that really was about it. I was pleasantly surprised when my family presented me with an early birthday/Christmas gift this evening. An awesome 16GB iPod Touch - I'd link to it here but the truth of it that is the only ones of you who care already know what I'm talking about. So, I've moved on - it was not you Big Green, it was me. I thought I could fix your faults but of course, well - can we ever. Your constant inability to work and general lethargy finally ruined our once wonderful relationship. Even though I plan on taking you out back and smashing your stupid fucking head in with a rock I want you to remember that when I said earlier that I loved you I meant it. I suspect I always will. You will forever have a place in my heart - even if not in my ears. So, farewell my friend and I know you are in a better place. Rest In Peace - you did your best and will be fondly remembered. CHEERS!

“When you're safe at home you wish you were having an adventure; when you're having an adventure you wish you were safe at home” - Thornton Wilder

It has been a crazy time here at the Canucklehead household, with things slowly but surely returning to normal.

The beloved family has returned home from their trip to Indianapolis (you can see some highlights of the awesome Children's Museum HERE) and I delighted to have them back. I have once again been reminded that I am nothing without my crew and am lost without them. In fairness, I already knew this -- it was only once again reaffirmed. 

I barely returned from my weekend jaunt to Toronto which leaves me sick with a cold and generally licking my wounds. We have already seen quite a bit of snow here, with plenty more to arrive over the next few days. I’m already sick of winter and it is not even December yet – this is NOT good. Anyway, you will see things returning to normal here over the next few days – thanks for sticking with me over this trying period. Oh, and although I’ve said it before – while I have already started paying out ECs for my contest – it will take a few weeks to get everyone paid out – mainly because I never thought to clear it with anyone at EC in advance. Anyway – I want to thank everyone that entered and assure you that I have no forgotten about you.

In closing, here is a song I listened to this morning on the way to work that reminded me what a lucky Canucklehead I really am! Sadly, I suspect most of you will recognize only the 'she gives me money refrain', whereas I'm more focused on 'she is good to me.' Enjoy!

What reminds you?

CHEERS!

You are likely bearing witness to he dumbest and most lame headline I have ever written. Honestly, my mind is a total blank. It helps not that I'm super-busy at work, am heading to Toronto for the weekend AND the entire Canucklehead family have left to Indianapolis for a week leaving me home alone with nothing but a kitten and a fridge full of beer. UGH!

I may have previously understated my rush of entries into the contest below. In fact, as of this moment you could count them on one hand. That being said, I won't be back from Toronto until late Sunday so the deadline has been pushed out a bit. I still maintain that every entry will be rewarded with ECs. Of course, given the new transfer rules it may take a while but look at it this way - the more time I have to save, the more each of you will get. The current runner-up prize is 1000 but if I get a LOT I should warn you that may be reduced a bit. Anyway, I won't be posting now until Sunday. In my absence, be good to yourselves - and each other. I leave you now with a song that keeps running through my head of late, with a bunch of people that I love very much - enjoy:

CHEERS!

Want to be an HONOURARY CANUCKLEHEAD? 

Want to have your ad featured right on my sidebar for a whole month (or more)?

The answer is of course you do. I've never actually had a contest myself and I thought it was high time I did. Wait! I thought this was my first, but no - it's actually my second. (I found my first and only other one HERE if you're interested.) Anyway, its been a long while so let's do this thing! First prize will put you in the fancy 'Your ad here' box you see over there for at least a month, likely longer. I'll also hand out plenty of ECs to all participants! ENTER TODAY! The whole deal is going to pretty informal but I will lay down a few rules, just to be official and all:

1) Entries must be submitted by midnight (EST) on Saturday, November 15th, 2008. (Oh, one entry per person - duh! To be honest, if it's in my inbox when I wake up on Sunday - we cool.)

2) I am the sole and final judge, if you do not know the answer, points will be given for creativity or that simply make me laugh. Everyone will win something - just try it!

3) Do NOT put answers in the comments - they must be submitted by email HERE. (Well, you can put the answers in the comments if you really want but not if you want to be actually entered into the contest.) That being said, maybe leaving a comment below letting me know you sent an email may not be a bad idea. 

Okay, that's it - 10 question plucked randomly from my head. You can choose whatever image (within reason) that goes in the ad spot and where it points to -- I'll also start saving up my ECs now and will hand them out as additional prizes. Best of luck to all!

1) What website is owned and maintained by Rob Glenn?

2) What is Canada’s oldest independent brewery?

3) Name the Toronto Maple Leaf who holds an NHL record for scoring his first goal only 15 seconds into his hockey career?

4) In what stadium does my favourite NFL team normally play?

5) My real first name originated as a city in England, a contraction of the Latin Lindum Colonia, which was the name of a colony for veteran Roman soldiers. What is it?

6) What does the 'J' stand for in Homer J. Simpson?

7) I attended Super Bowl XXXVII in San Diego - which team did I see win?

8) What Led Zeppelin song was originally titled Pat's Delight?

9) Who provided the voice of "Hermey" in the 1964 animated TV movie Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

10) What is my favourite song? 

(This is the tiebreaker question -- I don't actually expect any of you to get it exactly. In fact I'm not even 100% sure myself of what it is. However, in the case of a tie the winner will be the one who submits the song I like the most. Clear enough?)

Right on - submit your entry right now!

CHEERS!

Well, it's done - the kids roll in-and-out of sugar comas and the jack o' lantern has been retired for another year. All-in-all? A success! I took the boy out for an hour or so, of course our departure was immortalized for all to enjoy:

Yeah - I threw on my football gear for the walk. What the hell? I clearly understand that I look like a complete idiot but the boy seemed to enjoy it.

In unrelated news, some of you may be aware that I keep a joke section here on Canucklehead. Not only that, I actually read the jokes for you so you don't have to read them yourself. You can find them HERE. In truth, I've kind of neglected that part of the site recently -- I suppose I should throw a couple of more up there. Anyway, the point is that I awoke this morning to find the following feedback in my email:

Please stop me if i,m missing something but i thought when someone tells a joke, there is a bit at the end called the punchline where it usually contains the funny part of the joke. But alas, in the case of these jokes, there was no funny part, either at the end or the middle or at the beggining. To be honest john, i listened to every single one, and not even a fucking smile came across my lips, i thought i was at a jimmy tarbuck show, yes, they were THAT shit. Now, i know what your thinking,"i suppose you could do better could you?" Yes i fucking could george. So, if you want some REAL funny shit, i,m quite happy to send you a load of my gags for you to be going on with. Know wot i mean Brian? Just let me know son.                yours Mr Rosewell.

Anyway, my first reaction was to ... no wait, I'll let my reply speak for itself:

Dear Mr. Oscar bolera Slagheep Rosewell,

It was in a confused state that I recieved your correspondence earlier today.

To be sure, I was dumbfounded. I considered replying with a simple 'blow me' and decided instead to take the day to consider it - and I'm certainly glad I did. I suppose the anonymity of the internet and email makes it especially tempting to write total strangers and inform them that they suck - as clearly we are all blissfully unaware of the matter. The sad truth of the matter is that you are of course right, as the droves of people avoiding this section of my site will attest to ... its like even I stopped caring. In my defense, I should relay the following email which was coincidentally sitting right below yours in my mailbox:

-----

Hey what's up Canucklehead. This is Kris at Comic Wonder.

I just wanted to let you know that I picked you as our 3rd featured member on Comic Wonder. Have a look at the write up here: http://blog.comicwonder.com/2008/10/31/featured-members-edition-3-canadian-wonderkids/

Thanks again for hanging out at Comic Wonder!

KRIS

----

Of course, I'm not sure whether or not that actually speaks to my actual level of funny or to the relative 'suckitude' of the others that frequent that site. As a purveyor of 'REAL funny shit' I suppose your opinion would be more valid than my own. I will patiently wait for your 'load of gags' to arrive via whatever mode of transport you find most suitable. Alternately, if you choose to put your mouth where your mouth is and show all us yobs where its at over on the Comic Wonder site, well, I certainly understand.

In conclusion, I do want to sincerely thank you for caring enough to take time out of your day to give your feedback. If nothing else, I certainly hope you will reply to inform me as to who or what the fuck a 'jimmy tarbuck' is - you see, I care almost enough to Google it, but not quite. Additionally, you might be better served to learn the name of the person you are addressing to maximize your message's reception. Very well then - it's all good. Cheers!

Anyway, I was serious about one thing - the fact that someone cared enough to write, even that I sucked, did tell me that I'm doing something right. That's actually all for now. In closing, I hope you all had a wonderful Halloween and as is my tradition I would like to thank the wonderful people at Google for their generous contribution to the "Canucklehead Institute for the Study and Appreciation of Beer".

CHEERS!

Okay, in fairness - you can’t steal what is given freely. This is actually sharing, not theft.

I understand that many of my peers do like their posts getting stolen, as copyscape widgets and such will no doubt attest. Me? I could care less – there is little to nothing on my blog worth stealing and I believe the number of requests I get from people asking if they can use my posts reflects this. (READ: NONE) What’s a Canucklehead to do? Well, I ask people to steal my stuff – last time people actually stole it, so – I thought I’d try it again … now to come up with something worth stealing … not more worthless crap! Oh wait, I’ll steal from myself and dust off this drunken gem from one year ago … well, one year ago yesterday (Oct. 27th, 2008) … I seem to remember it being a limited hit at the time.

Top 10 Movie Quotes

You may or may not be surprised to learn that I went to the BEER STORE today. Of course, 'Beer Store' is in capitals because that is the way us Canadians roll. Those not from Ontario will likely be surprised to learn that our beer stores stock a free magazine. It's true! Anyway, it is called CHILL. There was an article in there about the top 10 movie quotes of all time. Regardless of who you are, there is no way you ever agree with the top 10 of anything, and this was no exception. My hope was to print their top 10, with my corrections. Well, sadly, the website does not have the top 10 - and well, I'm too lazy (read:drunk) to retype the list. Luckily for me there is more than one top 10 of movie quotes on these here electronic tubes. So, I grabbed the list from HERE, which I will rip apart instead. Well, if my energy level holds. Without further ado - here is the list:

No wait! Here is their introduction: These are the ten most recognizable film quotes according to a 1998 survey of a group of "10 film critics and experts" who were asked by Guinness to draw up a list of the "ten most famous movie quotes ever." According to the publication's editors, "We were looking for quotations that were accessible and that had popular appeal on a global scale. We were also looking for wit and delivery. Delivery is important."

(Canucklehead note: I've decided to give you the title, something that the original site neglected to do. As well, as further italics are my remarks - you've been warned)

1. "...Bond. James Bond." (Dr. No - 1962) Number 1? I don't know - but I'll give this one a pass because it certainly belongs on the list. Shaken not stirred has cred as well but if you only get one Bond quote, well - I guess this is it.

2. "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine." (Casablanca - 1942) Well, as you will soon find out (if you haven't already), I'm not much of a purist. I'm actually tempted to replace this with "Play it again, Sam" even though it is actually never spoken in the film. So what? Even though of you who already know it think of the line whenever you hear the title. You don't? Meh - whatever.

3. "Well, it's not the men in your life that counts, it's the life in your men." (I'm No Angel - 1933) Umm, where to start? Well, I've barely heard of the freakin' movie. We are talking about the top 10 of all time here eggheads! Yeah, no. Mae West? I get it. How about, "Come up and see me sometime." Ring a bell at all? As you can tell, I'm getting a tad upset now. Of course Mae West beats out both Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin here for the sole reason that she speaks aloud. I have nothing against the lady but she would not make my top 25. Maybe 50. Anyway, when she finally appeared this would NOT be the line. Next.

4. "I'll be back." (The Terminator - 1984) Fine, this should be there. Let's move on - this post is going to take me the rest of the night!

5. "Would you be shocked if I put on something more comfortable?" (Hell's Angels - 1930)  What?!! This is the first time I think I've heard this! I don't know when Hunter S. Thompson even wrote this book but I'm certain it was later then 1930. (yes, I'm kidding - stop typing that email nerdlinger)

6. "My Mama always said, 'Life was like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're gonna get.'" (Forrest Gump - 1994) Sadly, I actually am a bit of a Gump fan. Unmanly? Most likely, but I can live with that. One side note, if you liked the movie - do NOT read the book.

7. "I could dance with you till the cows come home...On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows when you came home." (Duck Soup - 1933) Nothing against the Marx brothers, but this should not be here, I'd elaborate but I can already tell this is going to be a marathon post.

8. "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!" (Gone with The Wind -1939) Fine, next. No one gives a damn at this point.

9. "You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Well, who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well, I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talkin' to?" (Taxi Driver - 1976) Word. Now we are talking!

10. "Gimme a whiskey, ginger ale on the side. And don't be stingy, baby." (Anna Christie -1930) A sphincter says what? Who are you and what are you talking about? Did you write that "Ten Little Indians" book because really, I'm at a loss here. I'd take "you had me at hello over this - and that is not saying much!

Wow. That was horrific. I'm willing to admit that I maybe it is just me but I'm thinking these people all have single digit social insurance numbers. I mean - what the flying hell? Okay, this is going on WAY longer than I had planned so let's quickly show what CHILL got right and then I'll throw a couple out there. I agree with the following from CHILL: 

"May the force be with you" - Han Solo, Star wars

"We're gonna need a bigger boat." - Martin Brody, Jaws

"Go ahead, make my day." - Harry Callahan, Sudden Impact

"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chinati" - Hannibal Lecter, The Silence of the Lambs (Did you make the sound?)

"You don't understand! I coulda has class. I coulda been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am." - Terry Malloy, On the Waterfont

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning" - Lt. Col. Bill Kilgore, Aplocalype Now (put me down for "Charlie don't surf.)

"I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse." - Vito Carleone, The Godfather

Okay, in closing (phew) - I agree more with a beer magazine than a bunch of egghead critics – before I sign off, let me leave you with a few ideas that I have that have yet to make a list. First of all, the monologue by Mr. Pink on tipping should warrant consideration. We have the request of Ned Beatty to vocalize in a pig-like manner. Maybe Dorothy advising that her personal domicile is unmatched. Maybe ET wants to call somewhere? These are off the top of my head people and I'm half-in-the-bag! In closing, let's not forget then most memorable line of all, spoken by Ms. Jennifer Anniston, "Oh Cancuklehead! You know EXACTLY how I like it." Of course, this movie is still in production although it does enjoy repeated screenings in my head. (Don't worry - Mrs. Canucklehead doesn't even know I write a blog, let alone read it - she think I'm playing Space Invaders.) Until next time, keep your stick on the ice and I'll see you at the movies. CHEERS!

In retrospect, I suppose it was inevitable. I got an award - it was a good one and I was happy to get it. So, as per the rules I passed it on to exactly seven others (see post below) and even as I was typing it I knew we had a problem. You see - normally I give it to everyone, so picking seven was the problem. How to choose? I used a complicated formula that I won't go into here but I can report that at some points it involved playing 'rock, paper, scissors' with myself and tossing chicken bones while repeating certain incantations. It's my way. Anyway, I've heard from a couple of people(, joking or otherwise) that they felt a bit left out. I mean, can you blame them? Everyone is SO nice to Canucklehead and here I am trying to single certain people out! It's not right - I knew it then and I know it now. Well, I've done the only thing I could -- I've created a shiny new award, which I will humbly suggest it about to become the blogosphere's most coveted ... ladies and germs, allow me to present .... (drumroll) ...

NOTE: I don't know if it is guilt or a combination of ouzo and cheap Greek wine ... but I'll even host it for you -- just copy and paste this code: 

<a href="http://www.canucklehead.ca/meh.html" target="_blank"><http://www.canucklehead.ca/_Media/meh.jpg" border="0" alt="Canucklehead"></a>

Anyway, with a few notable exceptions, I don't intend to actually present it to anyone. However, it is my sincere hope that you will all steal it -- you can give it to yourself from me, present it to bloggers that have a good sense of humour, or perhaps even to blogs that you really do think are well, 'meh'. For posterity I have actually gone to the trouble to set up an actual page for it - you can go HERE if you really need to for any reason. Anyway, please take it - I don't want to beg but I really suck at photoshop and HTML so I want to see all the trouble I went to be worth something. Really - it's yours, I insist. Of course, a few of you have no choice, because I've specifically chosen YOU to be the first recipients of what will soon be the most prestigious award on the planet! So, without any further ado:

BAD EVAN: Honestly, it was only recently I wrote a glowing post about you and I've whored out this blog not once but twice in the last couple of weeks talking about your CONTEST. (That link makes three!) If your goal is to turn my site into the 'Gateway to Evantown' - well, Mr. Man -- you've succeeded! In all seriousness though, I like you and your site -- I just uncomfortable showing my emotions I guess. 

RELAX MAX: What can be said? Along with Evan above, the only other person to complain about being snubbed. In their defense, they have a point - we are friends and all. Well, I'm still not 100% sure I know who the hell Max is - he is more personalities (and associated blogs) than Sybil and in fairness I'm only friends with some of them. Of course, if you want to get to know him better, you should meet him at the PUB. 

(I hope and trust that we are cool now, right guys - right? Evan? Max? Hello? Is this thing on?)

YOU: I said it before but its worth repeating. I want and need you to steal this award. I'm not joking - take the picture, copy the HTML - whatever. I expect to find this at random as I travel through the blogosphere. I hate to toot my own horn but the award is awesome - it deserves to be shared! C'mon - just take it! Seriously, no more joking - I know where you live ...

Before I go, let me also add that 'just say no' has taken on a whole new meaning for me. I had an absolutely awesome 'No day' -- or in Greek, Oxhi Day. Canucklehead Jr. was the absolute star of the show - you can see some highlights HERE. For those not in the know (like myself before today -- allow me (read: Wikipedia) to educate you:

Celebrated throughout Greece, Cyprus and the Greek communities around the world on October 28 each year, Okhi Day (Greek: Επέτειος του «'Οχι») commemorates Greek dictator Ioannis Metaxas's rejection of the ultimatum made by Italian dictator Mussolini on October 28, 1940. This ultimatum, which was presented to Metaxas by the Italian ambassador in Greece, Emanuele Grazzi, on October 28, 1940, at dawn, after a party in the German embassy in Athens, demanded that Greece allow Axis forces to enter Greek territory and occupy certain unspecified "strategic locations" or otherwise face war. It was allegedly answered with a single laconic word: όχι or no. Most scholars dismiss the use of the word 'Okhi' as an urban legend, claiming that the actual reply was the French phrase "Alors, c'est la guerre" ("Then it is war"). In response to Metaxas's refusal, Italian troops stationed in Albania, then an Italian protectorate, attacked the Greek border at 05:30 AM. Metaxas's reply marked the beginning of Greece's participation in World War II . On the morning of October 28th the Greek population took to the streets, irrespective of political affiliation, shouting 'okhi'. From 1942, it was celebrated as Okhi Day.

The more you know. In closing, congrats to the honourary first winners of the AWESOME MEH AWARD and Happy Oxhi Day (October 28th) to all my Greek readership. (Both of you?) 

OPA and/or CHEERS!

I first heard of ‘Zack and Miri Make A Porno' about a week or so ago. Apparently one of the television networks (I'm looking at you Fox) refused to show ads for the upcoming film because it had the word PORN in the title. I knew nothing of the movie and actually never gave it another thought until earlier today. My wife asked me if I had seen the previews yet, when I answered that I had not she assured me that I had to -- as it looked like the kind of movie I would love. Love? Really?! I mean I love the thought of PORN but I'm not really what you would call a fan of the genre. So, I hesitatingly did (you can yourself by clicking the title above) and once again she was 100% correct - this movie looks awesome! Of course, all the TV ad controversy will assure this will have the exact effect that actually showing the ad would have -- only to a greater degree -- generate 'buzz' and put asses in the seats. In fact, I'm trying to use the word PORN as many times as possible for the exact same reason - I want to attract my target demographic to the site - the creepy, perverted one-handed keyboarders that bring value to any site just by visiting ... ah, I see you've arrived -- let's continue on then.

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

In short, friends and roommates Zack and Miri are facing hard times and a mountain of debt. When the electricity and plumbing get cut off and the second or third eviction notices arrives, they seize upon the idea of making a homegrown PORNO movie for some quick cash, enlisting the help of their friends. I guess I should admit up front that I love Seth Rogan. He's a Canadian and a pothead, which doesn't lose him any cool points around these parts. I reluctantly watched 'Knocked Up' at my wife's request and thought he was great (as was the movie) and still maintain that if you didn't like 'Superbad' -- well, something is wrong with you. The film was written and directed by Kevin Smith (who I'll assume needs no introduction) and he actually wrote it with Seth in mind. The whole cast looks really good but the only other one I'll mention here is the former PORN star Traci Lords. I have nothing to say about her -- just that she's in the movie.

WHAT YOU REALLY NEED TO KNOW

This is a raunchy movie: the film was submitted to the MPAA a total of three times. On each submission, it was slapped with an NC-17rating. Uncomfortable with cutting any further, Kevin Smith finally elected to take the film through the appeals process, where they eventually overturned the rating to an R. USA Today recently ran an article titled, "Will people go see this movie?" The idea I'm assuming that the PORNO word was going to somehow keep people away in droves. As to whether or not people will see this movie - the answer if of course is a resounding yes - a LOT of people will go to see this movie. At the end of the day, this movie will have a huge opening for two reasons:

1) The 'buzz' generated with the advertising controversy and the countless YouTube clips already available.

2) Those damn teenagers have all the disposable income!

Anyway, I won't be there on Halloween but you can be sure I'll see it shortly after that - well, it's at the very least a guaranteed rental for sure. Oh, I forgot to mention the word PORN lately - oh well, why try to say PORN when there is no reason to say PORN? I'll leave you with what was the 'clincher quote' for me - it comes from one of the actresses who is promoting the claim that the film really contains no PORN at all: "It's about two people who actually didn't know they loved each other and then find out they do," she says. "See, it's a good, happy movie. The boobs are just for, you know, looking at. A little bit extra."

See you at the theatre and save some popcorn for me. CHEERS!