Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't

mean they don't love you with all that they have.




Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while

they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped

into the deep end.



He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped

in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.



When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she

immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now

considered her mentally stable.



She went to tell Edna the news: 'Edna, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you're being discharged. Since you were able to

rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of

another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound judgment

and that you have a sound mind.



The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hanged himself in the

bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so

sorry, but he's dead.'



Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon

can I go home?'




(courtesy Dedra B.!)
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A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. 'I've gone for 30 years now,' he wrote, 'and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them.

So, I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all.'

This started a real controversy in the 'Letters to the Editor' column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:

'I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals.

But I do know this. They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!' When you are DOWN to nothing.... God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!'

All right, now that you're done reading, send it on! I think everyone should read this! 'When Satan is knocking at your door, simply say, ' Jesus, could you get that for me?'

Today and everyday of my life ...
I am blessed and highly favored !
"For Whoso findeth me findeth life, and shall obtain
favour of the Lord." - Proverbs 8:35
~ Marquita Rogers-Brown ~

(courtesy Ginger C.)

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An attractive blonde from Newfoundland arrived at the casino and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.'

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed 'YES, YES, I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?
The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all blondes are dumb; but all men are men.

(courtesy Ginger C.)

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Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, in reality they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree. Share this with women who are good apples, even those who have already been picked.

NOW MEN...are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes and women have to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.




(thanks Ginger C.!)
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A baby was just born. He had all his fingers and toes and looked quite normal, except that he was laughing like crazy.

All the doctors and nurses were examining the little thing, in front of the worried parents, but he kept on laughing, his tiny fists all closed and tears rolling from his eyes.

One at a time, a pediatrician unfolded the tiny fingers to check if the hand was all right, and... guess what he found?

The birth control pill!

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