It's the Planet, Didiot!

Zork Says: Happy Green & Frugal Thanksgiving

Spread the Zork Revolution and Be Featured on the Cover of Zork Planet

This could be you on the cover of ZORK PLANET!

Simply recruit 10 humans to become members of ZorkPlanet.com and we will feature you with Zork on the front page of ZorkPlanet.com

Earthlings, Yes, WE CAN reach our goal of 1 million members before the new U.S. president, Barak Obama, takes office on January 20th, 2009. When 1 million humans have taken the Zork Pledge to make 5 small and simple changes in their daily lives to help the planet, we will send a message to the new president that we are serious about saving the planet Earth and need his help.

Become part of "Alien History." Your picture with me will be on Zork Planet indefinitely. Send it to your family and friends and other aliens if you wish. Print it out and place it in a frame. Be proud of yourself for helping to save the planet Earth. How many humans can boast about getting a picture with a UFO alien? I did not think so.

Here is how you can be on the cover of ZorkPlanet.com:

Join ZorkPlanet (if you have not already) and recruit 10 new members. It is that simple.

The first 100 Zorksters to do this will become immortal. After that 20 new members will be required to be on the cover with me. So please do not be a slacker human. Take advantage of this. I made it easy for you because we love Earthlings.

If you really want to be a rock star and save the planet... recruit 100 new members to Zork Planet. You will get a cartoon portrait (by that I mean a drawing, not a photo) of yourself with me, like the one below, featured on the front of ZorkPlanet.com. Who knows? A portrait with me a million years from now might be worth a gazillion American dollars.

Either way, when you have your 10 or 100 new members, email your photo along with a paragraph about yourself to Zork@zorkplanet.com. That is all it takes.

Zork Green Tip 31 - Tree Hugs Instead of Bear Hugs

Earthling, for stars sake, stop the bear hugs and start the tree hugs.

Having been on your planet now for ten months, we see humans obsessed about bears and bear hugs. Do not get us wrong. We like your bear species. And there are so many cute ones such as the Panda Bear, Arctic Bear, Grizzly Bear and your all time favorite, the Teddy Bear.

We have not seen humans hug bears in the wild and it is understandably so. But why do humans make so many Teddy Bear toys and do not make any tree toys? Instead, you use trees to make toys. And to add further insult to trees, you have formed bear hug clubs where Earthlings gather and share bear hugs with each other.

Trees are wonderful. They make oxygen for you for free. They give shelter to your Earthling animal friends. Humans should form tree hug clubs all over the Earth. We tried doing it on your planet only to find out that many Earthlings use "Tree Hugger" as a condescending word.

TREE FACT 1: One large beech tree provides enough oxygen for 10 typical humans.

Zork Green Tip 30 - Adjust Your Thermostat

Earthling, I have to confess that even after being married to Meera for more than 1,578 years, every time I see her in her sexy outfit, my body temperature goes way, way, way up. 

My Didiot brother-in-law, Drauk, is in heat 24/7. His thermostat has been out of control since the night our saucy saucer was shot down on your planet. Meera cannot stop her brother from chasing what he calls “bodacious” babes. Beware, female Earthlings, Drauk may be around the corner!

Another type of thermostat is very important to the well-being of your planet and the financial health of your wallet. The thermostat in your dwelling and your business should be your best friend – not your Earthling pet dog.

Can your dog save you money? Can man’s best friend help save the planet? We think not, despite the fact that dogs are Earthlings too. The thermostat in your house or business will save you money and reduce the global carbon footprint of your beautiful planet.

Zork Green Tip 29 - Save H2O

Human, we love water. We traveled the galaxy for thousands of years. One common thing we found in every galaxy and every planet we visited is that where there is life, there is also water.

We understand that many humans did not believe there was extraterrestrial life until we were shot down by Bubba in Stephenville, Texas. Life, including us, is a result of water.

Water is life. Life is water. There is no way around it.

We are befuddled why Earthlings pollute and waste water. We analyzed the Earthly data on our nanocomputers and confirmed that drinkable water for Earthlings will be a much bigger problem than the high price of oil you face today.

The cause of your water shortages is simple. There are over six billion water-thirsty humans on planet Earth. Earthlings are using water faster than the Earth's water reservoirs can replenish the supplies. Water tables are falling on every continent as demand for water grows faster due to population growth. Overpumping of water is now widespread in China, India and United States. These three Earthly countries together make nearly half of the world’s grain harvest.