I appreciate all your comments everyone and sharing your thoughts what it is like in my position. Below is a comment from Babette and I will share how I felt when I first contacted him.
Hi Sheila, it is hard to force 'love and respect' on anyone. Since he wasn't a part of your life, no one can blame you for what you are feeling now. Just because the two of you reconnected doesn't mean everything's fine. Just make sure that you talk to him and pour everything that's inside before it's too late. I don't think you are a bad daughter, you shouldn't be blamed at all. just my opinion.
Here is the story. I rang my dad when I knew he had cancer. What he said to me first is; "Why are you not contacting me? What did I do to deserve this? How did I go wrong?" I burst into tears and told him everything. I said he is the reason why my mother and my unborn brother/sister died. He did not pay respect to my mom because after she died he married his mistress straightaway. He let go of me and did not contact me that even one letter I did not recieved anything from him. I said to him ; "Don't you realized what you've done to me??? " I don't know why but it seems that he thinks that he did not do anything bad towards me. But he still said sorry. I said I've forgiven him but it doesn't mean I don't hate him. I have a reason why. Then after few days I received a msn chat message from his sister who was very angry and telling me what the hell did I said to my father. I felt betrayed again. Why does he need to tell his sister? They knew what they did to me and it seems that everything was OK with all of us. She also told me why I did not contact their mom - my grandmother who is in USA who I had contact with before. She said maybe because I'm afraid that she will tell me off. In my mind they don't have any right to do it. They are not the one who raised me up, they promised that they will help me with my education but even a penny I did not received anything from them. Nursing is a very expensive course in Philippines, yes I am glad that my grandmother (mother side) supported me but I did not had an easy life growing up with her. There was a time that I asked and begged if they can help me. But I did not received any. I am not contacting her not because I am afraid of being scolded but I am afraid that I will tell her why I have untowad feelings towards them. And I don't want it to happen.
This morning, me and my husband had an argument again. He thinks I am very hard headed which I am. He said I was'nt there when it happened and I don't really know the reason of everything. " I know, I do and even if he will die now my life won't change because I already put in my mind since I was young that he is already dead." I almost ended my life when I was young but I chose not to because I don't want to be like my mom. I tried my best to be me without them and I'm glad I am blessed.
Right now, he is in the hospital and deep in my heart I know he is dying and maybe just waiting for my forgiveness. I'm not that bad. I tried to contact him but my call wont connect to his mobile phone. But I will try again...
Me and my dad
Am I That Bad?
This is a very personal post. If you remember I wrote about my sad childhood, not just sad but traumatic in a way that I was around when my mom took an overdose when I was five years old. Because of that I hate my father because he was the reason why she overdosed herself. So now, my father has a cancer and I know he is dying. But I don't know how to react, of course he is still my dad because without him I'm not gonna be me. But I grew up without him, I did not spent a day and night with him, he did not support me nor asked me if I was OK when I was young. And to make the story short I don't have any connection with him. Now his family are expecting me to care, yes I do ring him sometimes. But as I said there is no bond between us. What can I do??? As what I said to my Aunt I cannot reply when he said I love you to me because I don't love him at all. I forgive him but it doesn't mean I forget everything he done to me. Does it make me a very bad daughter? I think yes, but there is a big but! His sisters are telling me that I am. But as what I said to them when I needed all of you when I cannot do anything for myself where we're all of you? Now, it's making me sad again...
Gift Basket for Any Occasion
It is almost Christmas. It is time of the year to give. If you are thinking of giving something special to your friend. Why not give her a gift basket, not only for her to enjoy but the whole family too. At chesapeakebaygiftbaskets.com you can make gift baskets customize in a unique theme you have selected or add specific types of gifts or food. Call them at 1-877-303-6839 for more information.
An Early Christmas Present
My kids received their Christmas present early - a wii with four games. Expensive but worth it. All of them are very happy. The plus side is, it is a good exercise too for them and for me. All I need now is a wii fit to have more fun.
My Dream Hair
If I will lose some weight I will have a hair like this. If only... But right now I have a big fat ass. So it will not happen at the moment. But who knows? I remember I had my hair cut very very short when I passed the nursing licensure examination and that was 12 years ago. And I think it looks good on me because I was still slim and had a single chin that time :) But maybe one day, I'm still hoping you know even after three kids. But I think I need a miracle to achieve it. Hmm or maybe a diet pills will solve my problem. I gather that alli reviews have positive feedback from costumers. I need to think hard about this. (Modelled by my colleague).
Hurray!!!
Yes!!! At last I received my Australian registration to practice as a nurse over there. Anytime soon we will be moving down under. Me and my husband are so excited, not the children especially my two girls. Since they already adopt the way of living here. They said they will miss their school and their friends. But I'm sure they will love it over there. With all the sun, warm weather all year round, warm beach, bigger accommodation and nearer to Philippines. What else can I ask for? But the problem is I don't have any employer yet because the email that I gave for my reference was wrong. I re sent it already. Hopefully my nurse supervisor will reply ASAP so that we can start all the processing to get a visa.
Holiday Glass Frames from Zenni
Have you checked Holiday Glass Frames From Optical? If you haven't go to their site now and have a look. This beautiful eyeglasses that I feature is from Zenni Optical and the price is only $15.95. But do you know that you can get as cheap as $ 8 Complete Rx Eyeglasses at their site? Yes, that's right. That is why Zenni Optical is The popular online eyeglasses shop in the market right now. Go to their site to prove what I am talking about.
Neil and GF Chloe :)
Meet Chloe. My goddaughter and my sons original girlfriend. Neil is so naughty. After few weeks in the playgroup, he said that he's got a new girlfriend :) Recently on his birthday we told Chloe (the girl in the picture) that Neil got a new girlfriend. Do you know what she answered? She said, "I'm not letting him." Bless her heart.
My Blue Laptop
Me and my husband are a big fan of Sony products. Our television is Sony, our dvd player is Sony, our video camera is Sony, our digital camera is Sony and my laptop that I bought on December last year is Sony Vaio. Why do we have all Sony? It's because we trust Sony's products. It did not fail us even once and all our expectation was met. That is why if I will get another electronics product next time. I am sure it will be Sony again. Below is the laptop that I have, yes I know it's blue. I wanted a red one but my husband wants blue. Anyway, if you are looking for one check bestbuy.com for the best price of Sony's Vaio.
Sukang Pinakurat (Vinegar Surprise)
Have you heard about "Sukang Pinakurat"? In English "suka" is vinegar and "pinakurat" is from the word bisaya "kurat" means surprise. I was indeed a surprised. When I went to an Indian store they have a "sukang pinakurat". Even it was expensive - £1.39 for a small bottle, without hesitation I grabbed one. Since I heard a lot of feedback from my relatives back home. And they we're right it is very very nice especially with fried fish. "sukang Pinakurat" is made of coconut based vinegar, with finger chile's, garlic and pepper from Iligan City. If you are a Filipino try one now. I'm sure you will like it too.
